My Review:The book details Tranea's road to celibacy. Chapter 1 defined celibacy: absence from sexual intercourse. People go celibate/abstinent for many reasons, whether religious or something else. Some people may want to start over mentally, physically, and spiritually. Other people may want to change their bad habits or heal past wounds. For me, I never planned to go celibate. Life just threw me some curve balls, which got me sitting my black butt down. It will be three years for me in November. Tranea has been celibate for 15 years. She my hero because I don't know if I can go that long without lassoing someone and dragging them to the altar, after I finally get this divorce.
Page 7 needed some breaks. That was one long paragraph, but it brought up great and not so great childhood memories. From Riding bikes, to swinging in the park, to playing school, playing crazy 8's, and getting whippings.
Tranea also discussed her background, such as her former marriage. After the marriage ended, her behavior changed towards sex. She was selfish, had more one-night stands, did not let emotions get involved, similar to how I was. I used to have all these feelings tied when I had sex with men. I got upset when someone did not call again after having sex with them. I was confused. I was hurt. I was still learning about sex. Even though I got married at 18, the sex life with the bozo sucked. I was not confident enough to tell him what I wanted, let alone figure out what I wanted. I had just started having sex when I met him. Very naive when it came to sexual relations.
Over time, she lost desire and hurt her self emotionally, similar to me, very similar to me. One thing Tranea did different was to improve her prayer life. Start listening to God. Reading the bible. Doing what God says quickly, without thinking too long about it. Tranea wants to remain celibate until God says it is time. I think that is a great idea. No point in rushing into bed with someone, God has not ordained for you. More troubles. More regrets.
Another passage I liked was her pearls of wisdom, which included:
- Find out how possessive the person, who you want to date is. How does (s)he react when the opposite sex is around? What are his/her expectations of your time? Is (s)he jealous?
- Find out how (s)he handles finances. If (s)he won't share small change, (s)he may not share big money down the line.
- You have to have other interests besides going to church. This concept can apply to many things. Some people believe if you have one thing in common, then you should be compatible in other things. NO NO HECK NO. I am not going to simply date you because we both have herpes. OR we both are celibate. OR we both don't want more kids. OR we both are black. Having one thing in common does not determine a successful relationship.
- Refusing to answer questions about sexual preferences and birth control methods. Some questions may include What are you wearing? Talk sweet to me? Anything to do with Phone sex.
- Write a list of characteristics you want in a mate, based on category, such as friend, acquaintance, and husband. The characteristics/traits need to have depth, not superficiality.
- Do not send or receive XXX Pics and videos.
- Prayer. Every man Tranea is interested in, goes to God in prayer.
- NO ROMANCE NOVELS. Romance novels sometimes, well a lot of them have explicit sex scenes. They also can set unrealistic expectations. Now Stacie reviews books. Any romance novels, I have already committed to, I will finish, but I am not requesting any more. The books was starting to irritate me. You always know the girl will end up with the guy, no matter how much they can't stand each other in the beginning. and I have to skip (most of the time) over the sex scenes.
- Be careful who you ask for relationship and romance advice from.
- Accountability. Being open, honest. Describing what happened? when it happened? listen to wisdom. Find a good accountability partner, who you can trust.