I always been the undatable one. I was the one, with head in books, and fingers on a computer. I wasn't popular or the most beautiful. I was an average introvert. I didn't do sleepovers, parties, high school dances, or sports. Home and school, school and home, except AFJROTC, VICA, and FIRST Robotics events.
I thought when I was out on my own, I would be dateable, if I was having sex. That's what attracted me to meeting people online. I will be dateable, if I was a sex object (faulty logic). 17 years later, I realized I was wrong being sexual, being promiscuous. Having sex doesn't make you any more or less dateable. I am 34 (at the time of writing this in my journal. I am now 35) and still lonely and alone (even while formerly married).
I am still not popular or the most beautiful or the most skinniest. I am still undateable and back to not having sex. No longer a virgin, just celibate.
I met three folks in almost 4 years. The first was a quick convo, while walking around the neighborhood, because I didn't want him to know where I lived. I also had the kids with me. Why walk, if I am not going to tire the kids out? The second tried to talk me out of my celibacy. How can I please a man, if I am not having sex. I also thought he was going to touch the boobs, so I kept those protected. The third dude, was a sweet dude, just never heard from again.
I understand the risks:
- 2 special needs children with various needs
- Celibate for almost 5 years
- Herpes for over 10 years.