Do You Wanna Be?

I wrote this poem a few days ago as an ode to men, who can't understand why I chose celibacy and why I am not interested in going back to a promiscious lifestyle. For the men, who sneak try to sneak sex into conversations, even after you asked them not too. For example, someone called me a few days after Halloween. He asked what I did for the day and I said I had bought some half off Halloween candy. His response: "When can I have some of your candy?" Not cute at all. Not relationship material at all.

I tried to explain how I used to be and I still had those old Stacie thoughts, which popped up every now and then, which would not be good for him. I had more one night stands than repeat sexual partners. I didn't try to develop an emotional connection with most of the men. I deleted numbers quick. I have an addictive mind and if I start back, there is no guarantee, I would have sex with one person, especially if I am not committed to him. If I am going to have sex with you, what is going to stop me from returning to fI prefer to wait until someone says I do before having sex again. I still have sexual urges but doesn't mean I am going to have sex with someone, simply because they text or call. And yet, he still asked for sex and if he can engage in some sexual touching, even if he doesn't get intercourse. No was the answer and he hasn't called since.

Do you wanna be?

Do you wanna be another number?
Another notch on the proverbial belt slash bed.
Do you want to be another regret?
Another waste of time.
Another number deleted, sometimes before the act is completed. Yeah I did that.
And I didn't regret that.
Do you want to be remembered because there is a chance you will be forgotten within a year or two, that is if I bothered to learn your name.
Names not important when sex is temporary and so is your presence.
My essence is becoming more cold and heartless.
Emotionless when it comes to sex, unless you are the best, but the best been locked in years ago and you can't compete, but you will be compared to the best there ever was and no, you can never be because I am not into you like that.

This is your warning.
I started out sex thinking this is now to get noticed, how to get attention, but no one mentioned that down the road, your heart can grow cold and twisted.
No one said that all sexual acts will never be more than a sexual thing.
Forget emotions and a relationship thing because the vagina is a mean woman, after many experiences.
You will never get my heart with your penis.
So, I know of a few tricks you may use to get me to choose you over celibacy.
I am on to you when you try to sneak sexual innuendos into every conversation because nothing is new under the sun.
Those tired cliches, over and done.

Even if you succeed to break down my walls and enter the sanctuary, which has been closed to intruders.
You run the risk of the former nympho coming out.
I may have sex, but it won't be with only you.
if I am going to start, why end it with you when I am not committed to the act of my vagina and your penis.
You still may get deleted because old Stacie had more one night stands than repeats. You may be cock blocked before this poem is finished.
Are you sure you are in this to win this--because from time to time, those old thoughts still creep in and I have to keep praying to stop those demons from entering. If you are not willing to wait, don't waste my time because me having sex right now will fuck me up big time.
I don't need more numbers, i don't need more regrets.
The celibacy journey is not an easy route.
Just because you want to stick a fork in my road, doesn't mean I am detouring off.