Part 2 will focus on what sanctified sex is. I forgot to mention in part 1 that the material comes from Chapter 4 of The Black Christian Singles Guide to Dating and Sexuality. It also makes sense to open up the book on Kindle to reference it along with my notes from Mr. Pugh as well. :-) Check out Celibacy is sexy on the website or on twitter.
Chris Jackson discussed that sanctified sex is clean, purified, consecrated, holy, and dedicated (Black Christian's Guide to Dating and Sexuality, Kindle Edition, p. 57) Page numbers may vary.
Sex was designed for marriage and not because we are dating or have entered into a serious relationship (Jackson and Pugh). This was good to hear. I have heard people say they will be celibate until they get into a relationship. There are some men, who will
Sanctified sex yields to God and is considered an act of worship (sex done correctly within God's plan). It is a good thing when sex is blessed with God within marriage. It is an act of obedience to wait until marriage to have sex.
Once again, this brings me back to the female caller, mentioned in Part 1. The caller said People build a framework about sex to get the benefits of sanctified sex. It is hard to build a healthy relationship when sex is the foundation.
Some benefits of Sanctified sex.
- It puts the spotlight on qualities important in a healthy relationship. A relationship needs a solid, healthy foundation. It is the steeple of a good relationship. People put sex as the steeple, but wonder why it quickly falls over.
- Sanctified sex distinguishes between those who are serious and who are curious. Good point. How many times have you or myself have lost a good friend or a potential partner because they wanted sex and you did not? Reminds me of an old friend of mine. I had sex with him once in 2006. We was to meet up one day to go out. As soon as he pulled up to the driveway and I got in his vehicle, one of his regular sex partners called and I got cancelled for guaranteed booty. bad example. How many people have I not heard from again after I had sex with them? How many men have I not called after I had sex with them?
- Sanctified sex builds trust and habitual positive patterns. People want lifetime sexual partners but don't want a relationship. Some can't handle being in a healthy relationship. There are people I would love to have sex again for life. One is my favorite IT tech. He is tied for #1 great sex partner of all time. Chocolate, Bald, and a computer genius. I have not heard from him in a while. I do miss him but I know we are not compatible for a relationship. Our friendship was built on sex. Pugh also discussed how if we can't control our desires while single, we may not control desires while married. Go Self-Control.
- Sanctified sex helps with comparisons and flashbacks. Ouch. Pugh said that people can't help compare sexual experiences. If you are not having sex before marriage, then your spouse is the world's greatest lover because you have no one one to compare him or her too. I remember once when I was in bed with Stone Mountain/Decatur Area, but was thinking about Midtown Atlanta Man. It was like even though you are good, I wanted great. I wanted this particular act and I was not getting it from Stone Mountain. Wanting one man, while in bed with another.
- Sanctified sex allows us to give our life-long partner a good present, cherished by both. Sanctified sex is powerful, passionate, and blessed. It does not have soul ties to others (which, I have a lot of). There are no old patterns to break if you wait until marriage.
- Set boundaries first, rather than being in someone house at 3 am, wondering why am I here. Been there, done that. Need a t-shirt.
- Avoid lateness, darkness, and extended privacy.
- Keep your clothes on and remain vertical. Horizontal position can increase passion. Check out Pugh's book, Can You Do It Standing Up? A Different Position on Relationships: Insight To Help You Make Better Relationship Decisions.
- Let the strong one help lead the weak one.
- When in doubt, leave it out.
- Minimize media exposure. If you know a particular song or movie makes you weak in the knees, don't listen to it when you are around the opposite sex.