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About Me

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Welcome to Google (whether Plus, Perfect Chaos, or the Celibacy Diaries). My name is Stacie D. Wyatt.  I am a published poet and writer (Chocolate Kisses; Love.Lust.Life., Miscarried, Conversing with Sexuality; Conversing with Salvation; Conversing with Normality; Conversations 1, Never Argue with an Autistic child and other special tales, and Conversations 2. ). 

 I am also a product and book reviewer for a few sites (BookSneeze, Blogging for Books, Bethany House, Edelweiss, Tyndale House, and Netgalley). I will post reviews here regularly. I post reviews on Perfect Chaos. 

I also have two kids: 13 years old and 3 year old. My oldest is Autistic and my youngest is developmentally delayed, autistic, and a few other things. I also enjoy writing about the ups and downs of parenting two differently-abled children.

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Saturday, April 25, 2015

Undateable Part 2

Undateable Part 1:

I realized in church on Sunday, I set out dating with the wrong intentions. As I said in Part 1: I thought if I was having sex, I would be datable. That was wrong. I was fuckable, not dateable. Not too many men want to date, who they are fucking.

Setting out to date because I wanted to have sex was the wrong intention. From the beginning, my mind set was completely wrong. My intentions were not aligned with God. Sex does not equal love. Love does not equal sex. Dating does not mean you are sexing. Having sex does not mean you are dating.

I had a few men, tell me, that they thought we was dating, when we just had sex a few times. I didn't know anymore about them, other than their sexual preferences, but allegedly we was dating.

I always had trouble dating. I like men, but my personality doesn't allow me to consider dating as an option from the jump. For me, now I have to get to know you, then maybe we can meet. Dating is only an option after I get to know you. Versus in the past, we meet, we sex, we delete each other.

Setting out dating with the wrong intentions is probably why my mind is so messed up. I definitely look at things in a different light because of past sexual experiences. Like, I used to get off on taking a man's celibacy. I didn't care if you was celibate or not. If I wanted to have sex with you, I would at least try. Now, I am questioning anyone, who wants to meet me. Maybe they want sex. Maybe they want my celibacy and do me, like I used to do men, in general. I'm looking for those hidden context clues, trying to reveal their true intentions.

For example, the other day, some dude hit me up on Ok Cupid. He gave me his number, but I could not talk on the phone at that time. Kids were acting up and screaming in the background. Then again, I wasn't feeling talking on the phone anyway.

His profile said he wanted a relationship. He not looking for one-night stands. Ok Cupid had also notified me he had read my profile. I guess he didn't read my disclaimers. He wants kids. He was willing to wait for sex up to a point, but not until marriage. He wanted to discuss sex and I did not. If I didn't question his questions, who knows I would have met him, dated him, and either had sex with him prior to marriage or broke up with him. I hate to give up celibacy to any relationship and it does not work out. 4 years is hard to get back. I don't want to start over with every relationship.

Stacie D. Wyatt
@2015 Stacie D. Wyatt/Celibacy Diaries

Monday, April 20, 2015

The Five Year Mark: March 13, 2015

How did I go from being non-sexual to sexual to a sexual being in a celibate body? As I approach the 5 year mark, later on this year, I am having all these random thoughts.

Will the 5 year mark be a starting point for a new relationship, maybe marriage? Will the five-year mark be a breaking point and I fall into lust, having to start over. Or will my celibacy continue past Nov. 9, 2015 (last time, I had sex was Nov. 9, 2010) and I will still be sexless.

Distorted View of Sex

Pastor Michael Pender of Fallbrook Church in Houston, Texas, began discussing how to have a meaningful life in March. There are things, God does not want you to engage in because they are sinful, such as sex outside of marriage. People, who challenge God's limits struggle to have a meaningful life. Pender said society promotes harmless and blameless sex without complications and implications. God's purpose for sex gets distorted.

I distorted God's view of sex when I first started reading erotica. It was addicted by Zane. I was married at the time and abhorred sex. The book showed me things, I was not experiencing or never had experienced. I was addicted. I continued to read erotica in books and online. There was one site (don't know the name), I was always logged into for a little excitement. There was also this one book (don't know the name), I loved. Even though I didn't cheat on the ex until years later, the seed had been planted.

I wanted more.

I wanted what I was not getting.

When I moved from non sexual to a sexual being, once again, I wanted more and more. I cheated on the ex multiple times in a short period. At first, I felt guilty, but the ex continued to come home late or not at all and continue his infidelity. So, I added more men to the queue.

I am celibate now and I think back and reminisce over how stupid and naive I was. Being promiscuous definitely changed how I view men, relationships, and sex.

It is definitely a struggle as time goes by when from when I was having sex. I was lonely, but I was company a few times a week. People will meet you up for sex. I had more messages on dating sites, more phone calls. I lived on the bus line without kids, living with me. I was more free and now I feel somewhat trapped. 2 kids, no social life, no one lining up to date or meet me, even just to be an acquaintance, a friend. You mention celibacy, you get less responses and more people try to convince you out of it. I used to think discussing herpes was hard. Discussing celibacy is harder. Too many whys and why not sleep with mes? The 5 year mark is approaching---from non-sexual to sexual to sexual in a celibate being.

Stacie D. Wyatt
March 13, 2015

Sunday, April 19, 2015


February 20, 2014

I always been the undatable one. I was the one, with head in books, and fingers on a computer. I wasn't popular or the most beautiful. I was an average introvert. I didn't do sleepovers, parties, high school dances, or sports. Home and school, school and home, except AFJROTC, VICA,  and FIRST Robotics events.

I thought when I was out on my own, I would be dateable, if I was having sex. That's what attracted me to meeting people online. I will be dateable, if I was a sex object (faulty logic). 17 years later, I realized I was wrong being sexual, being promiscuous. Having sex doesn't make you any more or less dateable. I am 34 (at the time of writing this in my journal. I am now 35) and still lonely and alone (even while formerly married).

I am still not popular or the most beautiful or the most skinniest. I am still undateable and back to not having sex. No longer a virgin, just celibate.

I met three folks in almost 4 years. The first was a quick convo, while walking around the neighborhood, because I didn't want him to know where  I lived. I also had the kids with me. Why walk, if I am not going to tire the kids out? The second tried to talk me out of my celibacy. How can I please a man, if I am not having sex.  I also thought he was going to touch the boobs, so I kept those protected. The third dude, was a sweet dude, just never heard from again.

I understand the risks:

  • 2 special needs children with various needs
  • Celibate for almost 5 years
  • Herpes for over 10 years. 
 I just want to be dateable and loved and married one day again. Have sex,while married, being monogamous again, but to do that, I need to date. 

I feel undateable. 

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Glad I didn't sleep with you: East Point, GA

I thought about this last night. I may or may have mentioned this on the blog before, but this is a great story of being glad, I did not sleep with him.

I met this dude off Fling. This had to be in 2006/2007 We talked maybe once or twice, before trying to meet up for some fun. For some reason, on the way to East Point, my phone was starting to die and I had to turn it off. His apartment was next to a gas station.  I called him from a payphone, after writing his number down, to ask where his apartment was. He was acting funny on the phone. I caught the train and bus to get to his house and he didn't want to give me his location. He finally gave me some directions, even though it would have been easier to drive to meet me at the gas station.

After walking around the complex, I found his apartment. I almost passed it up but he saw me and wondered why I didn't see him. Let's see I don't have glasses on. I barely know what you look like. I probably won't call you again after this....

Anyway, I go into his apartment, and viola, people. Family, children, men, women. I knew then, no sex was going to happen. Even though I was having sex, I still had a bit of morality to me. No way in hell, I am having sex with this dude, with all these people in the house.

After going in the house, he sat down at one of the computers, near the front door, and started video chatting with another woman---a half-naked woman, I think on Fling. So you:

  • Invite me over and reluctant to give me your apartment number
  • Invite me over with a house full of folks
  • Invite me over and talk to another woman on video chat, instead of the woman, you invited over. 
I asked if I could get on one of the other computers and checked my email, since I did not have a computer at home. After a few minutes, maybe more, he asked, why didn't I jump on him and start having sex with him, in front of all his relatives and kids. I got up and left. Back through the apartments, back through the gas station, back on the bus.

This dude was bold, very bold. You will find out why in a minute. 

A few weeks later, a mystery man hits me up on yahoo im. He thinks I am cute. He wants to talk to me. He says he knows me. How do I know him? He goes into this whole elaborate story about how I know his sister. (I don't have too many female friends, I hang with). I was confused. He kept talking about how I came over to his house in East Point, where he noticed me sitting on a computer, checking my email. OH SNAP. 

His sister was this other dude's GIRLFRIEND, who was at the house, when I showed up. So now, you invite someone over, with your girlfriend, her brother, your kids, and a house full of other folks. Yeah, Glad I didn't sleep with him. I was torn between lying about dude #2 sister being my hang out buddy or just telling the truth and saying I came over there to meet your girlfriend man. I opted for the truth. 

I avoided a lot of drama. 

Stacie D. Wyatt/Celibacy Diaries
April 18th, 2015