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About Me

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Welcome to Google (whether Plus, Perfect Chaos, or the Celibacy Diaries). My name is Stacie D. Wyatt.  I am a published poet and writer (Chocolate Kisses; Love.Lust.Life., Miscarried, Conversing with Sexuality; Conversing with Salvation; Conversing with Normality; Conversations 1, Never Argue with an Autistic child and other special tales, and Conversations 2. ). 

 I am also a product and book reviewer for a few sites (BookSneeze, Blogging for Books, Bethany House, Edelweiss, Tyndale House, and Netgalley). I will post reviews here regularly. I post reviews on Perfect Chaos. 

I also have two kids: 13 years old and 3 year old. My oldest is Autistic and my youngest is developmentally delayed, autistic, and a few other things. I also enjoy writing about the ups and downs of parenting two differently-abled children.

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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Perfect Chaos: Chivalry by Zach Hunter Book Review Tyndale House

This is my book review of Chilvarly from Perfect Chaos. I thought it would be a good fit for Celibacy Diaries as well. Perfect Chaos: Chivalry by Zach Hunter Book Review Tyndale House: I read Chivalry : the quest for a personal code of honor in an unjust world.  by Zach Hunter , for honest review from Tyndale House.

The book is about 10 principles of ancient knights combined with teachings of Jesus, that we can use today. How can we help others? How can we defend the oppressed? How do we act with integrity? How do we live with courage and significance?
The 10 principles:

I will not go on this journey alone
I will never attack from behind
I will practice self control and selflessness
I will respect life and freedom
I will fight only for the sake of those who are unable to defend themselves, for in the defense of justice.
I will honor truth and will always keep my promises
I will fear no evil
I will always follow the law, unless it goes against what is moral and good
I will live and die with honor
I will never abandon my quest

My Review:

I was not sure what to expect when I requested this book. By the time, It arrived, I thought, based on the cover, it was a fiction, based on science fiction, fantasy, medieval times. Tyndale does not release the books until the books are taken down from the request screen. I loved reading the book. I was highlighting from the first chapter.

The first chapter discussed Carlos and his love of trees. Carlos reminded me of Pete Nelson from Treehouse Masters on Animal Planet. He loved to grow them, watch them, study the soil, and study the roots. Carlos got married, had kids, and eventually his wife died. After his wife died, one of his kids, visited with his grandkids. Carlos made a powerful analogy about trees, which I enjoyed.

When a young tree is planted, it is at risk of being whipped about by the wind....If the sapling is tied to a single stake and pulled in one direction, it will grow up learning hard to that side. It will be uprooted by a storm or grow crooked. That's why it is important to stake a tree from multiple directions. The tension on three different sides helps a tree grow straight and true. Its roots will deepen, its trunk will strengthen, and it will bear more fruit (p. 5).

We need roots to help us grow. We need people, who will be our root in life. People, who will support us when we are falling. Give us strength when we are going through. We can not rely on one human to help us on the journey called life. We can not do this alone, either (which is a problem, I struggle with. I am an introvert, I hate relying on people, but I am learning that I have to (need to). I need to socialize. I need to build relations with people. I need to network and build a community of friends, family, and others. But, your community needs to include mentors. Someone to hold me accountable. Someone, who will be honest. Someone who wants me to grow. Someone to share their personal experiences and I will do the same. I have my mentors. and I am a few other's mentors. I know my personal brand of Stacie is not always accepted and I am learning that is ok. I can be too blunt for my own good. I don't know tact that well.

Chapter 2 focused on Catalina, who was gossipping behind her friend's back. She realized too late she hurt her relationships and through a priest's words, realized things will never be the same. The priest gave Catalina a task, which involved a chicken and feathers. People don't need to backstab, gossip, attack from behind, or even engage in malicious sarcasm (p. 16). I definitely use a lot of sarcasm. We (I) need to watch my words.

Chapter 3 focused on self-control. We need to think first, then act second. The book discussed sexual relations.  In relationships, there are things you should and should not do. We need to maintain control, so we don't end up in regret. Self control doesn't just mean avoiding something, but also focusing on goals (p. 33 to 34). Simply avoiding temptation does not mean temptation will not occur (learned that from the celibacy is sexy chat last week). Temptation is everywhere (media, television, radio, magazines, online, etc). The book talked about focusing on what you want from a committed, married relationship. For example, Stacie wants a christian, celibate man, who can put up with special needs kids. One thing, which stood out in chapter 3 was "there is no such thing as just a movie, just a song, just words, just a kiss. nothing is trivial. everything has repercussions. (p. 37).

The rest of the book followed the same set-up---shared someone's story, the author shared a story, followed by sound, biblical advice. At the end of the book, Hunter provided discussion questions for personal bible study or small group bible study. Each section also contains an oath or declaration, where you sign and date. You also can write your own pledge on how to grow more chivalrous. 

Monday, July 22, 2013

10 Tips for Maintaining sexual integrity Celibacy is sexy Weekly chat

These tips are not my own, but of Kenny Pugh and Celibacyissexy.weekly conference call.
  • 10: Get Real. Recognize sexual temptation is unavoidable. commercials, songs, shows, movies, stimuli, etc.
  • 9: get serious. sexual sin does not just affect you. it affects others connected to you. second looks and sexual conversations can plant a seed in your mind. every time we flirt or taking a second look, or having an impure conversation, we are planting a seed towards something unhealthy.  we can bring forth life, disease, and other things
  • #8 get ready. come up with a plan of attack. what's your plan for avoidance? best defense is to be on the offense. what do u feel and don't feel comfortable with? what are the yield signs, which tell you to step away. how do you distract yourself?
  • #7 get connected. sexual sin happens in the dark. admit problems to another person, whether fornication, masturbation, etc. confess your faults so you may be healed (james, the book of james). find someone who you trust. mature, christian friends. hold you accountable. get someone, who wont tell all your business
  •  #6 get brutal. do not kid yourself. distance yourself from any personal thing, which will hinder your progress. make you unhealthy. operate with love, instead of lust. this may include movies, music, outings, that you do not need to indulge in.
  •  #5 get help. may require specialized care. need to recognize problems which led you to sexual sin. sex is a behavior. but it should not be used to feel a certain kind of way. don't use sex to fill a void. or if you feel abandonment, fill something that is missing in your life.
  •  #4 get comfortable. sexual temptation is not going anywhere. it's been a vice or hurdle since the beginning and will be here until Christ returns. be realistic and understanding that it will occur. just because you are married or will get married, doesn't mean you wont experience temptation. don't get married to say you got married. marry someone who demonstrates self control.
  •  #3 get love. sex does not mean love. sex is an act, an experience. if you know you are loved, you won't be searching for it. find love through friendships and other things, besides sex. be honest and authentic. stop looking for love in all the wrong places. God is love.
  •  #2 get grace. commit yourself to a direction, not perfect. admit when you make a mistake and move forward. understand grace but don't use grace as an excuse to fall.what determines success after a failure is to get self up, re-commit, admit mistakes, and continue to move forward.
  • #1 get a life. if you are not enjoying your life, not pursuing your goals, not following God's purpose, you are setting yourself up for sexual sin. It's not just about keeping yourself pure, but knowing why you are pure. what's your purpose on being pure know who you are. don't focus on getting married and the next time you are going to have sex. if you do connect with someone, you may be connecting on faulty foundation. if your connection is not made better by someone coming into your life, then you need to step back and ask why are they in your life know where your head is and where your priorities are. make that the context to where you focus your sexual purity. have a goal-oriented path.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Anger Issues

I mentioned before that I have anger issues towards men, but where did they stem from? What triggered my initial anger. I am currently reading a book for review about emotions and thought about my anger, which I need to learn to control

Let's see. Let's start with Willie C. I am venting here, so bear with me.

My mother's ex is a pest. He was never around (even though he has a different story). He spent a lot of time in jail, on drugs, over his mother house,etc. Anywhere but home, helping his ex wife raise their three kids.  I do have a blog post I need to publish written a few weeks ago about the pest. He lied, he cheated, he was abusive to my mother. He was stingy with his money. Now at 60 years old (or older. I have no idea how old he is), he still is a pest, but has this weird sense of entitlement. He expects people to answer to all his demands, which usually get ignored by me.  

I'm hungry. Is anyone going to cook? Ummmmm not for you. Grown man. fix yourself something to eat. Go home to your wife. or one of your women.

I am not the best daughter in the world, but I don't like to cater to certain male folks. I feel you can do things on your own, without waiting for someone else to help you or do it for you. I don't fix plates. I don't clean up messes, unless it's on a therapy day and I clean up everything the therapist can see. I don't do tasks for folks, who annoy me (i.e. the pest) because I don't want to be bothered or spend more than five minutes in the same room with you.

Even when I try to ignore him, he still makes his self known. He wants to discipline everyone's kids. Run his mouth when no one is talking to him. Interject his self in conversations that has nothing to do with him.

For example, this week, my sister and her boyfriend spends time at a time-share once a month. The time share is owned by the boyfriend's mother. They invited Willie C. to go along. He does not have to work because he had back surgery (even though he keeps doing stuff to hurt his back more and I need him to go back to work, so he can move out. luckily he got a voucher for housing. he just needs to use it).  His excuse  I am needed around here. My mother and I quickly looked at each other with a shared mutual feeling: Yeah Right. He could be drinking and smoking with my sister and Guy, but no................

Hopefully I will gain more insight as I peruse this book. Just highly irritated this week.

Monday, July 8, 2013

I rather find myself a love than find myself alone

I downloaded the new Joe: Double Back: Evolution of R&B from Amazon a few days ago. One of the songs, which stood out was I rather have a love. Joe states how he rather have a love than find myself alone. That was deep because I been separated since 2005. I need to get a divorce and try to date again, even though that is not fun to me. but I can't find the love of my life if I do not date. If I do not put myself out there.

Another song, which stood out was Love and Sex, which talks about how Joe used to be out there. Having all the girls and a lot of sex. Sounds similar to me. I had a lot of men. I been around a few times with many races and ethnicities. There is a difference between love and sex.  I learned that lesson as well. Love is not sex. Sexing someone does not mean you love them and vice versa. You can mistake one for the other, as I have done plenty of times. Sex can be an expression of committed, married, love. See, I am improving, I said married. Sex does not replace love either.

What I am looking for in a man, right now: Let's see:

  • Believes in God. Christian. Trying to live right because no one is perfect. 
  • Celibate. Not trying to be pressured into having sex right away
  • Does not want any more kids. I am fixed. I can't give a man a biological kid. He must have all the kids he wants right now because I can not do it. 
  • Patience and understanding with special needs kids
  • Must have a job or source of income. Pays his own bills because I pay my own and will continue to do so. I do not want to pay his. I am picky about money: lending and giving. I do not mind helping folks, but within limits. I don't have a credit card or a checking account. I am not messing up my credit more. I am not taking out a payday loan or a title loan. I am not selling my body for sex. I am not co-signing for anything. 
  • Must have a place to stay. He is not living with me and I am not living with him. I am not living with another man again, unless he is a room mate and paying half the rent. and we do not have sex ever. Most of the men I have stayed with before, I have had sex with.
  • I guess he can not judge me on my sexual past and I can not judge him on his. I just hope he never asks me about my sex count.
  • Must be ok with me having herpes. 8 years. will be 9 years in October.
  • I still love older, bald men though :-). Not sure what an 18 year old can do for me besides have sex. 
Back to the celibacy. Interesting story last nite. I get a message on a dating website from someone, saying he was horny. This was after midnight. I told him I was celibate. He said he knew and wanted to see if I wanted to have sex with him anyway. Nope. He continued to be persistent. Told me he knew me from when I used to be on Fling. I deactivated Fling almost 2 years ago. He knew of my pics and videos. I told him that was then, this is now. I was having sex when I got on Fling in 2006. I also lived in another state. He even asked for a pic of it, whatever it is. I told him I do not send XXX pics and videos. He finally said he will stop trying. SMH. He was a test. A temptor. I passed. 

The old me would have got up, took a bath, and went to sleep with the man. Now, of course, then, I only had one kid and he did not live with me. No one would have knew if I left my kids in bed, alone, while I went on a sexcapade. No one but me and God. My conscious. Giving up my celibacy for a random dude, I probably never see again. I know one-night stands. Nah not worth it. 

Friday, July 5, 2013

No Bueno

I logged into a dating site a few hours ago. Saw this one message (and only message) from this beautiful Caucasian Male, living in Houston, who works as a DJ. We strike up a small conversation and he wants my skype info. I give it to him, log into skype, do the video chat. He has no microphone. He also changed from a fine, Caucasian male, in Houston to a Spanish male, in Utah.. who owns a women's clothing store.  No Bueno. Spanish dude still looks decent. Spanish dude has no kids ( I forgot his name already). He is coming to Texas next week to see his mother in Tyler.  He wants to meet up. He wants to send me $1000 Western Union. No bueno.

It would have been easy to pass along my sensitive information, like my address (stalker potential) to receive a 1k money transfer, with no strings (yeah right) attached.  Take the cash. Buy me a box spring and frame. Buy Brad a bed. Put some money in the savings, etc. But, he will have my full name, address, and phone number. Easy to trace me, find me, and mention his payment for those hidden strings. Told him I do not want his money. Spanish dude kept asking me to take the money and got offended when I said No thank you. I don't want his money. Not comfortable taking money in this situation. So, I logged quickly out of skype to compose myself before I cussed people out.

I have sent people money, who I knew online money and gifts (money order, western union, and money gram. These were people with whom I had their phone numbers and we talked on a consistent basis. Was it 1K? Heck no. People do need help from time to time. You get blessed spiritually when you help others. but today/tonight was a strange case. He posted the wrong pics up. wrong job. wrong state.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

A piece of my love

I was in my mama's car today, heading home from the store, when I heard an old familiar song by Guy: You can have a piece of my love. Waiting for you. Girl, i do love you. 

A piece. A lousy piece. Not a whole man. He doesn't want to give you all of him, but just a rationed out piece. One for you, and her and her and her and her and her too. Not to mention, he loves you, even if you are receiving a piece.  How do you measure a piece? a sliver? a fraction of something you can't see, the intangible. Of course, I'm older now, and I assume for this blog: the piece is the penis. Since he is not giving you a whole, maybe he does not want commitment or a relationship. Maybe, he is afraid of rejection, if he gave you all of him. I am the same way. I don't want to get rejected or hurt, but it is a part of life. Most people get pieces of me.

Even in relationships: dating and marriage, people settle for pieces. Maybe it is because they don't want to be alone. Maybe they don't want to be rejected again. Maybe they assume that is the best there is.

Let's break down some of the lyrics:

Baby you can't have all of me because I'm not totally free. I can't tell you everything that is going on. (he is being honest, upfront, and you are knowing what you are getting into. He is admitting his weaknesses. Will you still accept him, despite his flaws? How many times have I been upfront and honest with a man, and he accepts me, knowing my limitations? I'm not talking about herpes, that's not a limitation, that's an outbreak every now and then.) I am celibate. I have special needs kids. I had more one night stands than relationships. I am not good with dating because I have limited experience. I am an introvert, who rather keep her thoughts to her self. This will go no further than the bedroom. I will sex you and delete you immediately afterwards, even if we are still in bed together.

There's a few things in my past that should not be explained. I am asking you baby, be with me for a little while.  He is not willing to communicate with you about his past--well not some stuff, but he still wants to be with you--maybe temporarily, maybe permanent. either way, time to decide.

I did make a video of me singing this song. I sing horrible. here is a good laugh. Notice,  this is not on youtube lol. don't need those comments.

But Anyway, Are you Settling for a piece? Are you willing to wait for someone whole?