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About Me

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Welcome to Google (whether Plus, Perfect Chaos, or the Celibacy Diaries). My name is Stacie D. Wyatt.  I am a published poet and writer (Chocolate Kisses; Love.Lust.Life., Miscarried, Conversing with Sexuality; Conversing with Salvation; Conversing with Normality; Conversations 1, Never Argue with an Autistic child and other special tales, and Conversations 2. ). 

 I am also a product and book reviewer for a few sites (BookSneeze, Blogging for Books, Bethany House, Edelweiss, Tyndale House, and Netgalley). I will post reviews here regularly. I post reviews on Perfect Chaos. 

I also have two kids: 13 years old and 3 year old. My oldest is Autistic and my youngest is developmentally delayed, autistic, and a few other things. I also enjoy writing about the ups and downs of parenting two differently-abled children.

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Monday, May 20, 2013

No sense of direction

My great niece is 10 months. She is a new walker. When she stands sometimes, she walks around aimlessly, not sure whether to go left or right, up or down, just around and around in a circle, until she decides what to do. She has no direction, no guidance, but she wobbles around until she does.

Life can be like that at times. We wobble around with no sense of guidance or direction. We zigzag, go left, right, up, and down, with no purpose. Living life like an unguided missile or plane.

My purpose used to be sex. It did not stop me from going to work or school, but it did affect relationships. Yet, I lacked direction and guidance. If I known what I know right now, would have done things a little bit differently.

I realized recently my addiction developed from me cheating on the bozo. The first dude was ok (yet I craved more). Cheating was new to me. Did a lot of new things I never heard of with dudes, who I barely remember their names. I used to have the dudes memorized in order of appearance and frequency, but memory is erased now. I cheated on the bozo with 10 different dudes, 18 different times,  before we separated. There was E, some firefighter, Clayco, Riverdale, Union City, Dude at school, Whatshisface, Whatshisface cousin, Marietta, etc etc etc.

E and Riverdale---started liking sex big time after that. wanted more, craved more.

Riverdale was interesting. Went to see him. and could not remember his name. He left the room and I had to go through his mail to get his name.

Then, there was my 25th birthday. That I would have done differently. Details not needed. SMH at myself but it was fun at that time. Lesson learnt big time.

Anyway, time to do some work in my purity course.


Sunday, May 19, 2013

Sample Purity Pledge (From Dating and the Single Parent)

Sample Purity Pledge from Dating and the Single Parent by Ron L. Deal (Appendix 2, pp. 225 to 229). This is mostly word for word from the book. I did not want to change much and lose the meaning.

"We believe Sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed in the context of marriage, and that he had our best in mind when he gave us strong directives about sexual purity before marriage. There are many benefits to staying sexually pure before marriage:"

  • You will please God
  • You will develop a better conviction on who God is working in your relationship
  • You build trust, which is necessary for intimacy and lifetime commitment. 
  • You will develop patience and self-control
  • You affirm you care for the other person more than self. 
  • You protect self from guilt and shame
  • You provide an example to children and others
  • You protect self from physical, mental, and emotional trauma, which occurs when the relationship ends
  • You can develop a stronger emotional and spiritual bond. 
  • Improvement in communication skills
  • Prevent unwanted pregnancy (and STDs)
  • Increase anticipation and excitement of wedding night
  • Experience blessing of obedience
  • Learn new things about your partner, other than sex
  • As a Christian, you maintain a witness to the world
  • As a Christian, you avoid bringing reproach on the name of Christ. 

Other points made: 
  • sex can slow down relationship growth by causing emotional confusion and distracting from participating in activities, which can strengthen the relationship. 
  • Sex is not the foundation of a great marriage. 
  • Sexual purity means more than not having intercourse, but being morally excellent. It means avoiding the appearance of evil. It means protecting one's innocence from being tarnished by actions. 
Appropriate and inappropriate physical actions: Consider making a commitment to stay between points 1 and 4

  1. holding hands
  2. hugging
  3. light kissing
  4. french kissing
  5. kissing on neck, ears, and other parts of the body
  6. indirect stimulation of breasts and/ genitals
  7. manual stimulation of breasts and/or genitals
  8. oral stimulation of breasts and/or genitals
  9. intercourse/anal sex.
If you exceed #4
  • confess sins to the Lord and repent (Psalms 51: 3-4)
  • Confess and seek forgiveness from partner
  • inform your mentor couple (within 24 hours. The male will contact his male mentor. If he does not do so, then the woman will contact her female mentor). 
Develop a pledge based on these guidelines. One sample pledge may be (p. 218). 

We pledge to hold our relationship to a biblical standard so the Lord might bless this relationship and in the many years ahead. Therefore, we agree to call our mentors if physical involvement goes beyond step #4

Excerpt from Dating and the Single Parent

Maintaining Sexual Purity

These are some highlights from Dating and the Single Parent by Ron L. Deal. I reviewed this book, in exchange for review from Bethany House in October, 2012. 

  • Sex can be an issue when dating. God has placed boundaries around sex, for this reason. A relationship may lack a foundation, but sex can fool people, into thinking the foundation is solid and secure. (p. 134)
  • Sex can make you feel connected even when the relationship lacks substance  (p. 134). 
  • "By declaring sex before marriage is a sin, he (God) is not being a simpleton or killjoy; he (God) is trying to protect you from a shallow relationship and personal pain." (p. 134). 
  • "Sex that is saved until after marriage has time to mature into a physical and soul expression of the deep foundation of the relationship that has already been established and the lifelong commitment expressed to each other during the wedding" (pp. 134-135). 
Some practical strategies for managing sexual temptation:
  • Accountability: allow others to help you stay accountable to sexual purity. Your accountability partner will have permission to ask you about behavior and how behavior will be viewed by others (p. 135). 
  • Let God define sex. Sex is not just intercourse. It can be oral sex, anal sex, mutual masturbation, masturbation. It also can "lull us to sleep about how far we can go and still be safe. Third, it turns sexuality into a legalistic game of avoiding sin rather than a spiritual matter of trust and discipleship" (p. 135)
  • View how you and your partner manage sexuality as a spiritual precedent for marriage (p. 136). See if the other is committed to purity. See how mature they are when it comes to waiting. 
  • Agree to a purity covenant. Communicate about sexual temptations or fall victim to them. Agree to develop a plan (p. 136). 
  • Understand sex only moves forward. You can not move backwards. Once you reach a certain sexual level, you will never be satisfied backing up (p. 137). 
  • Date in public. Less likely to engage in sex (p. 137). Going to a hotel or a home can increase temptation. 
  • Date in a group. Adds accountability and objectivity. (p. 137). 
  • Don't live together. Can sexualize your relationship (p. 137). 

The ups and downs of being a webcam girl

I was a webcam girl for a few months during 2006 to 2007. Made money doing private shows, pictures sales, video sales, private shows, and residuals from private shows. I also had a voyeur cam. Did not make much money because I kept going to the website's store to order new gadgets and gizmos. I worked for the gadgets and gizmos, not for cash. It was good while it lasted, but I moved and the new home was not ideal for continuing the business. Never got back into it. Deactivated the website and my other adult sites in 2011 or 2012.

One big downside is that the performers change and move on. It's been 6 years later and people still remember me from those few months. I done moved a few times. I done had miscarriages and another kid. I am now living with and raising both kids. I started and finished school. I dated someone for about a month. I have changed seasonal jobs and volunteer jobs. I went from having a lot of sex to no sex. I lost and gained weight.

People will hit me up years and years later and ask if I still have the toys or the pics or the videos and I do not. That was two or three computers ago. Some will ask for new footage, which is irritating now that I am celibate. Some will try to convince me to have sex with them or send a pic or whatever. It's not like I am the only woman around, who will do these things for them. And please don't tell me that everyone sends x-rated pics because everyone does not. There is always an exception to the rule.

Shoot, hit up Craigslist. I don't watch porn. I don't take xxx aka sexy pics. I don't have any toys. I am taking my purity course to stay strong on this journey. Also, reading more books. Yet, people still want what they can not have. People remember what I long forgot. and my phone has a block for people, who text me. :-).

Stood up for Bad sex

In 2005, I think, I was having sex off and on, with this dude in Dunwoody or Alpharetta, whichever MARTA station is next to a mall. This was during the time, I was in serious denial about having herpes.
Anyway, I would travel two hours by train and bus to meet this man at a train station. Then, go another 10 minutes to have two minutes of bad sex. He had one good thing he did, which was why my dumb butt, kept dealing with him. One day, dude wanted to meet up early. In order to meet him, I would have to leave the house before 8 am. I did not wake up in time. I quickly called dude to tell him I just woke up and am very sorry. I also asked if we could reschedule. He said we could meet up later on that day. I said cool. Got up, got dressed, eventually made the two hour trip up north. Got to the train station. Dude was a no-show. waited for 10 to 15 minutes. Walked to the Mall. Got something to eat. Got back on the train and went somewhere else. Not sure where. When I did get in contact with him, he said he stood me up on purpose to teach me a lesson for not waking up in time, even though I called him and apologized. Needless to say, that was the end of that sexual relationship.

Would have been different if I did not call and apologize. But hey, I did not have to travel two hours to see him anymore. Found out later, that it was quicker for him to come pick me up and take me back to his house than for me to travel up there (15 minutes each way, without traffic).

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Standing my ground

Being celibate does not stop people from persuading me to have sex with them. Today, I was talking to a dude via text. I met this dude on an online dating/social site. But he says he also knows me from my webcam girl days. I completely forgot about that until he sent a text asking about a particular toy (by her name). I tossed all the toys last year. I completely forgot about her and do not miss her.

The conversation started off simple: how are you doing? what are you doing? At that time, I was uploading some pictures from my phone to my e-mail for Perfect Chaos. Then, he asked for sexy pics. Ignored that text. He also wanted more information about the blog and about doing product reviews. He asked for pics again. Told him I only sent clean pics. Asked again. Then asked about the toy.

I told him kindly I tossed the toys because I am celibate. I also told him I am taking a purity course plus reading more books on purity. Then, I think the conversation turned into a test of my convictions.

He said self-gratification was a natural act and I should not deny myself. Purity comes in all forms. Funny how the second part is a contradiction. Since when is masturbation a form of purity. You still will struggle with lust (which I do). You still can get desensitized to touch. You can become addicted and it can take over your life (I did text him all these good points, based on my experiences)

He also said I should go manual and use a toy periodically. NO. Indulging even just a little can lead to a whole lot of trouble. Told him I am doing more of what God wants and I do not want my former life back.

Then he messed up big time (lost 100 % interest in talking after this. We will not meet up. We will not talk online or in-person anymore.). God doesn't have us not to be sexual. He say be fruitful and multiply. But people get there tubes tied. you even did that.  that's as sin as much as anything. 

He tried to use God against me. I'm trying to live my life more for God (I think. I hope I am improving). I did not get my tubes tied as a sin, let alone know that birth control was a sin. I got my tubes tied because I can not deal with another miscarriage. I had two. I can not go through that alone again. Never never never. Now, if God puts it on my heart to adopt or foster, once I am more stable, then I will consider it. I also got two kids, who require so much caregiving. I don't think I can handle any more. I am a high risk for miscarriage thanks to the fibroids.

Then, he wanted to know why i got fixed, then stopped having sex. Nope, I stopped having sex, found out I was pregnant, and then tied tubes 1 month after Kalen was born. That was the end of the conversation and the man got blocked.

A good way to get to know someone is to have a conversation. Being bald and somewhat attractive does not make someone the man for me. Big weakness.  I'm glad we had that conversation, otherwise I may have agreed to having lunch with him sometime in the future. Definitely glad for my purity course and the books I been reading lately.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Tempted Tested True Full review

I read Tempted, Tested, True, in exchange for review from Bethany House. The book was written by Arnie Cole and Michael Ross. I have discussed the book on my other blog,Celibacy Diaries, but have not done my full review for Bethany House. This is the full review.

I chose this book because I struggle with temptation. I struggle with anxiety. I struggle with women' struggles. I struggled with sex addiction. When I saw the book review list for Bethany House, I had to have this book. I had to have a print edition. When it comes to celibacy, abstinence, sex addiction, etc, there is a lot of information out there. There are plenty of books written, but not too many is written from a Christian perspective. I wanted practical, spiritual knowledge, and this book does that. I am glad I got chosen for this book. I did not read this book from start to finish. I started the book at the beginning, then moved to the sections on sex addiction and shame. A lot of good passages stood out and I marked them big time. The book also takes about alcohol, anxiety, shame, temptation, men struggles, women struggles, releasing the past, and unmasking the real you. for this review, I am choosing to focus on the things, which affected me personally.

Chapter 8 discusses the story of Mark and how he struggled with sexual sin (pornography). Porn helped Mark cope with stress. But over time, his heart became darker and more hardened (p. 167). He was pretending everything was ok, when everything was not. He was addicted. His wife called in an intervention with their pastor because she suspected something was wrong. One line, which stood out wasPorn is a counterfeit that can ruin our ability to experience the real thing (p. 171). Pornography can also be an idol and the Lord does not allow us to put idols before him. The chapter also discussed accountability. People need an accountability partner when they are struggling with addiction. The book also discussed ways to move forward past porn and sex addiction(. I wrote the steps on my other blog Celibacy Diaries). The book also does nudges after each chapter, with spaces to write down thoughts and concerns. 

For example, the nudge for chapter 8 focuses on shaking the shame. The section allowed you to think and write about soul-robbing traps; why breaking free is hard for you; and what you would like for Jesus to help you with.

Then, the book moves into toxic shame. First, the book discusses the difference between shame and guilt. "Guilt has to do with our behavior, what we do; shame, has to do with our identity, who we are" (p. 180). "Toxic shame causes us to expect the worst from ourselves because we believe that's who we are inside"(p. 180). We must let go of those thoughts, which say we are a loser, a failure, a disappointment, no use to God, etc (p. 181). This is something I definitely struggle with. There is also an amazing chart on the characteristics of shame, with space to list specific examples and emotions (p. 184). P. 185 also has a spiritual life rating scale. I am a level 3 believer. The scale starts at skeptic, seeker, believer, grace-filled, and servant-minded. You look at the characteristics of each row and determine where you fall in. a worksheet follows immediately after to note your results. You will need access to a bible to complete some of the notes.

Chapter 9 focuses on Danielle's story. Danielle discussed how even when she knew the right thing to do, she did the wrong thing anyway. I knew having a lot of sex with random men was wrong, but i did it anyway. suffered the consequences too. A few passages, which stood out:

Temptation is big and it's sneaky, and it knows my weak spots. It can tell when I'm wavering and slip in a zinger at just the perfect moment--sending me right back to square one. It doesn't have to be that way. More and more, I realize, there is a way out. (p. 197)
  1. No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it (p. 198).
  2. Your sin is not unbeatable. Your temptation isn't too big for God. You aren't even close to being the only one tempted in that way (p. 200). 

Finally, I will focus on the four stages of Temptation (Chapter 2) p. 54)

  1. Enticement: starts with a pang of desire. a thought, a fantasy. what ifs. then eventually the decision to commit. go through the stages of intimacy: sight, sound, smell, taste, touch. 
  2. Conception: desire becomes strong. wants to conceive the real thing, whether it's sex, or drugs, or alcohol, whatever it is. we continue to engage with our temptor and ignore God more. 
  3. Gestation and growth: sin continues to grow. it affects us mentally, spiritually, and physically. we know the sin intimately. we are enjoying our secret lives. the temptation begins to define us: thoughts, identity, purpose. we don't consider the long-term effects of the sin. we continue to live in darkness and the light can not penetrate us. 
  4. Delivery: the sin matures. it gives birth to death inside of us. 
This is definitely a good book. Definitely will keep reading as temptation shows up in my life. The book felt like more than a regular non-fiction. More than another book to read once. It provided practical, biblical knowledge to temptation and the consequences of each temptation.


This was sent from my purity mentor from my celibacy class. This was written by Pastor John Piper.

A N T H E M - Strategies for Fighting Lust November 5, 2001 — Freshwords Edition

I have in mind men and women. For men it's obvious. The need for warfare against the bombardment of visual temptation to fixate on sexual images is urgent. For women it is less obvious, but just as great if we broaden the scope of temptation to food or figure or relational fantasies. When I say "lust" I mean the realm of thought, imagination, and desire that leads to sexual misconduct. So here is one set of strategies in the war against wrong desires. I put it in the form of an acronym, A N T H E M.

A – AVOID as much as is possible and reasonable the sights and situations that arouse unfitting desire. I say "possible and reasonable" because some exposure to temptation is inevitable. And I say "unfitting desire" because not all desires for sex, food, and family are bad. We know when they are unfitting and unhelpful and on their way to becoming enslaving. We know our weaknesses and what triggers them. "Avoiding" is a Biblical strategy. "Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness" (2 Timothy 2:22). "Make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires" (Romans 13:14).

N – Say NO to every lustful thought within five seconds. And say it with the authority of Jesus Christ. "In the name of Jesus, NO!" You don't have much more than five seconds. Give it more unopposed time than that, and it will lodge itself with such force as to be almost immovable. Say it out loud if you dare. Be tough and warlike. As John Owen said, "Be killing sin or it will be killing you." Strike fast and strike hard. "Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" ( James 4:7).

T – TURN the mind forcefully toward Christ as a superior satisfaction. Saying "no" will not suffice. You must move from defense to offense. Fight fire with fire. Attack the promises of sin with the promises of Christ. The Bible calls lusts "deceitful desires" (Ephesians 4:22). They lie. They promise more than they can deliver. The Bible calls them "passions of your former ignorance" (1 Peter 1:14). Only fools yield. "All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter" (Proverbs 7:22). Deceit is defeated by truth. Ignorance is defeated by knowledge. It must be glorious truth and beautiful knowledge. This is why I wrote Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ. We must stock our minds with the superior promises and pleasures of Jesus. Then we must turn to them immediately after saying, "NO!"

H – HOLD the promise and the pleasure of Christ firmly in your mind until it pushes the other images out. "Fix your eyes on Jesus" (Hebrews 3:1). Here is where many fail. They give in too soon. They say, "I tried to push it out, and it didn't work." I ask, "How long did you try?" How hard did you exert your mind? The mind is a muscle. You can flex it with vehemence. Take the kingdom violently (Matthew 11:12). Be brutal. Hold the promise of Christ before your eyes. Hold it. Hold it! Don't let it go! Keep holding it! How long? As long as it takes. Fight! For Christ's sake, fight till you win! If an electric garage door were about to crush your child you would hold it up with all our might and holler for help, and hold it and hold it and hold it and hold it.

E – ENJOY a superior satisfaction. Cultivate the capacities for pleasure in Christ. One reason lust reigns in so many is that Christ has so little appeal. We default to deceit because we have little delight in Christ. Don't say, "That's just not me." What steps have you taken to waken affection for Jesus? Have you fought for joy? Don't be fatalistic. You were created to treasure Christ with all your heart – more than you treasure sex or sugar. If you have little taste for Jesus, competing pleasures will triumph. Plead with God for the satisfaction you don't have: "Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days" (Psalm 90:14). Then look, look, look at the most magnificent Person in the universe until you see him the way he is.

M – MOVE into a useful activity away from idleness and other vulnerable behaviors. Lust grows fast in the garden of leisure. Find a good work to do, and do it with all your might. "Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord" (Romans 12:11). "Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord" (1 Corinthians 15:58). Abound in work. Get up and do something. Sweep a room. Hammer a nail. Write a letter. Fix a faucet. And do it for Jesus' sake. You were made to manage and create. Christ died to make you "zealous for good deeds" (Titus 2:14). Displace deceitful lusts with a passion for good deeds.

Fighting at your side,
Pastor John Piper

Tempted, Tested, True Notes

I am reading Tempted, Tested, True by Arnie Cole and Michael Ross, in exchange for review from Bethany House. I chose this book because I struggle with temptation. Former sex addict. Former porn addict. still struggle with masturbation. . The book deals with temptation. I skipped ahead to the sex addiction section. It mostly dealt with a man's porn addiction, but it can apply to other areas of temptation as well. I wrote some notes for anyone interested: Pages 163 to 178

  • Porn is a counterfeit that can ruin our ability to experience the real thing. 
  • you have to want to be free--be willing to turn away and give up the habit
  • admit you can't do it alone. i needed others to pull me out of the onslaught, help me, walk with me, and hold me accountable. 
  • the sex drive's powerful force must be brought under the Lord's control to become the beautiful thing God intended p. 174 
  • are otherwise emotionally healthy men with a strong sex drive abnormal? absolutely, positively, NO. some may produce a little more testosterone than others, but the bottom line is--an average male has a powerful desire for sex. 
  • Are men with an addiction to pronography in trouble? Absolutely, positively, YES. a man's desire for sex is not the problem--the problem is the desire's contamination or distortion. Abnormality has to do with how men seek to express this drive. what satisfies it and what doesn't it is here that something terrible happens to our sexuality. pornography distorts sex. it's addictive. it's sinful, it's deadly.

  • Take the first step: admit your problem. issues with porn and addiction are always accompanied by deceit. we make wrong choices to take wrong actions, yet convince ourselves, we are not in the wrong. (Stacie has done this). When we want something bad enough, we deceive whoever we have to in order to get it. and the first person, we deceive is ourselves. i.e. I don't really have a problem or I can handle this alone. 
  • Take the second step: Give God a chance. Go to Jesus. tell him your secrets, shame, and sins. reflect on any struggles and whatever has trapped you. be honest, sincere, hold nothing back. 
  • take the third step: choose to live without secrets.everyone has problems. there are two types of people: those, who have problems, who are not hidden. and those who try to hide secrets. the ones with secrets can affect trust, relationships, and credibility. 
  • Take the fourth step: repent. confess sin. ask God for help. stop beating yourself up. grow and change. 
  • take the fifth step: get help. tell someone what you are struggling with and ask for help.

Keeping secrets

I have secrets, we all do. But, I been reading more Christian-based books. One of them (Tempted, Tested, True by Arnie Cole and Michael Ross) discusses how we do not need to keep secrets because they can hinder our relationship with God. We need to tell people our secrets and hold each other accountable, so we don't fall back into old habits. I have a few things, I have hidden from the masses. Some have never been discussed on social media or in person at all. I don't want people to think I am weird or strange or crazier than normal. Maybe, I don't want people to treat me with less respect, trust, or even ignore me, isolate me from them.

Cole and Ross discussed how we should choose to live without secrets (p. 176). everyone has problems. we don't have to try to conceal them. There are two types of people: those, whose problems are not hidden, in addition to those, who attempt to haul around secrets (This is me). I always have been a secretive person, only revealing to those as needed. I do have a distrust in general for people. I also dislike revealing too much of my self, because someone may use the information against me or tell more people, who do not need to know. Secrets can lead to broken trust, broken relationships, and broken credibility.

I do have a blog post, sitting unpublished because it is partially a secret. I was going through something years ago. I have discussed it before, but not in detail. Some old feelings arose and I wrote it down in blogger to get it off my chest, since my note pad was not available. I have one other major issue, I have concerns about, since I was a child. Not sure whether or not to discuss it, unless it is with someone, who can handle it. Matters of Good versus Evil should not be taken lightly. Trying to read a book on the subject, but have not gotten to the meat of the book yet. Well, the part I chose the book for in the first place. When I got my advance copy of TTT, i went straight for the part I requested the book for. When I bought What are you waiting for by Dannah Gresh, I went straight for the part, I bought the book for. Maybe I should talk to someone trusted at church, even though Im not quite sure yet. anyway, rambled long enough.


When the roof caves in

I saw this book on my mother's bed and skimmed through the TOC. three chapters focuses on addiction, pornography, and pleasure. 

Pleasure Chapter:

Pleasure is one of God's gifts  (p. 77) but we are not to love pleasure more than God (p. 77)

but she that lives for pleasure is dead while she lives Timothy 5:6
Traitors, heady, high-minded, loves of pleasure more than lovers of God. 2nd Timothy 3:4
You are a pleasure--a crazy kingdom, living at ease and feeling secure, bragging as if you are the greatest in the world. Isaiah 47:8

If taken out of context, we might not believe pleasure is one of God's gifts (p. 78). 

Pleasure can be a call to worship (p. 79). we can experience pleasure with disciplined common sense. we need to strive for balance. 

we need to monitor the pleasure center because it loves the concept of more. More keeps us craving and not satisfied. The enemy baits the hook with more and dangles it in front of the pleasure center and waits for us to swallow it. If we swallow it, we can lose our balance. one or two candies is good, but if we eat the whole box, we may get sick. (p. 80)

The enemy hangs out in the pleasure center. the pleasure center also stores the bait and sharpens the hooks. this does not mean the pleasure center is evil. just means the enemy will take the good and turn it into evil, if given the opportunity. (p. 80 to 81)

addiction occurs when we devote ourselves habitually and compusively to get it (whatever it is). Your world revolves around getting that high and maintaining it. Addiction usually precedes a cave-in. May lose everything, such as reputation, support, and family. (pp. 82 to 83).

addiction can distract from pain (p. 84). feelings may be overwhelming, threatening, and persistent, and you may not can cope with them (p. 84). You use the addiction to not deal with the pain 


what was now at one time unthinkable is now excused as a matter of personal chose (p. 91). 

our culture has become desensitized to sexually explicit content. 

Sex addiction: 

sex addiction can affect women and men
  1. just because you have an addiction, does not mean you are not a Christian. 
  2. sex addiction, like any other addiction can become  unmanageable and out of control. 
  3. sex also can be used as an escape from pain. 
  4. addictions can have root in abandonment issues. 

  • you need an accountability partner. can not fully recover in isolation
  • make friends with others going through the same thing. 
  • you may need personal counseling to work on problems, which may lead to the addictive behavior or problems, which followed the addiction. 
  • choose to be courageous 
  • know it can not be done without God. 

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

The Turtle and the hare

I am listening to a song by Lyfe Jennings--26 years 17 days.  One of the lines in the song was the turtle catches up with the hare eventually. Eventually the rat race will slow you down. You will get tired of life moving too fast--at least that was the case for me. I had sex--all the freaking time--with random men--hardly any repeats. I wanted sex, I craved sex, and I got sex. Eventually, all that sex got old. Of course, it took a dramatic life change to do so.

[1st Verse:]
I was looking for God at my grandmother's house
underneath the cushions on the couch
I looked all around side to side up and down
that man was no where to be found
So I called my grandmama on the phone
said old lady you best get home
cause God aint where you said he would be
and there's something that I really need to speak to him about immediately
She said boy tell Granny what's wrong is there something I can do
I said big mama now it's a sensitive issue
and Lord knows I don't wanna worry you
but I need somebody to talk to

It's done been 26 years 17 days
been to 5 different prisons got 2 babies on the way
and they say it'll be a waste of time to pray
seeing that I'm going to hell anyway [2x]

[2nd Verse:]
I done smoked weed with the best of ya'll
shot at all the rest of ya'll
my heart hurts like an old man with high cholesterol
the preacher said that I'm the dirtiest dude he ever saw
shouldn't even be livin'
and he a Christian
Shoulda been dead like 17 times for 17 crimes I committed
took 'em all to trial and got accuited
Left wavin' my middle finger in the air whispered in the prosecutor's ear, yeah I did it
I done stole everything from dreams to wedding rings
auctioned off my soul for material things
but lately its been kinda botherin' me
I guess that turtle always catches up with the rabbit eventually 

[Chorus 2x/Bridge:]
Somebody loves you baby whoa whoa whoa somebody loves you baby [4x]

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Then what...

I always wondered what happens if I gave in to one of these random guys, who ask for sex. Do I continue to have sex with them because I already sexed them? Do I start my celibacy streak over again? Are we in a sexual relationship? Are we dating? Do I go back having sex with random men? Will my sex addiction start over again? Not to mention, what about porn and toys? Do I start back watching and buying these items because I am now having sex again.

What happens Next?

Will it be a one night stand or a series of repeats? What if I am just not into sexually, but I have sex with you anyway (peer pressure)? You being whoever I give into.

What about my emotional state? Will you be another regret? Will I feel guilt and disappointment? Will you sex me and leave me, with angst, sexual thoughts, or hurt?

I don't know the answers to these questions. Maybe you do.