No sense of direction

My great niece is 10 months. She is a new walker. When she stands sometimes, she walks around aimlessly, not sure whether to go left or right, up or down, just around and around in a circle, until she decides what to do. She has no direction, no guidance, but she wobbles around until she does.

Life can be like that at times. We wobble around with no sense of guidance or direction. We zigzag, go left, right, up, and down, with no purpose. Living life like an unguided missile or plane.

My purpose used to be sex. It did not stop me from going to work or school, but it did affect relationships. Yet, I lacked direction and guidance. If I known what I know right now, would have done things a little bit differently.

I realized recently my addiction developed from me cheating on the bozo. The first dude was ok (yet I craved more). Cheating was new to me. Did a lot of new things I never heard of with dudes, who I barely remember their names. I used to have the dudes memorized in order of appearance and frequency, but memory is erased now. I cheated on the bozo with 10 different dudes, 18 different times,  before we separated. There was E, some firefighter, Clayco, Riverdale, Union City, Dude at school, Whatshisface, Whatshisface cousin, Marietta, etc etc etc.

E and Riverdale---started liking sex big time after that. wanted more, craved more.

Riverdale was interesting. Went to see him. and could not remember his name. He left the room and I had to go through his mail to get his name.

Then, there was my 25th birthday. That I would have done differently. Details not needed. SMH at myself but it was fun at that time. Lesson learnt big time.

Anyway, time to do some work in my purity course.

SDW