Excerpt from Dating and the Single Parent

Maintaining Sexual Purity

These are some highlights from Dating and the Single Parent by Ron L. Deal. I reviewed this book, in exchange for review from Bethany House in October, 2012. 

• Sex can be an issue when dating. God has placed boundaries around sex, for this reason. A relationship may lack a foundation, but sex can fool people, into thinking the foundation is solid and secure. (p. 134)
• Sex can make you feel connected even when the relationship lacks substance  (p. 134). 
• "By declaring sex before marriage is a sin, he (God) is not being a simpleton or killjoy; he (God) is trying to protect you from a shallow relationship and personal pain." (p. 134). 
• "Sex that is saved until after marriage has time to mature into a physical and soul expression of the deep foundation of the relationship that has already been established and the lifelong commitment expressed to each other during the wedding" (pp. 134-135). 

Some practical strategies for managing sexual temptation:

• Accountability: allow others to help you stay accountable to sexual purity. Your accountability partner will have permission to ask you about behavior and how behavior will be viewed by others (p. 135). 
• Let God define sex. Sex is not just intercourse. It can be oral sex, anal sex, mutual masturbation, masturbation. It also can "lull us to sleep about how far we can go and still be safe. Third, it turns sexuality into a legalistic game of avoiding sin rather than a spiritual matter of trust and discipleship" (p. 135)
• View how you and your partner manage sexuality as a spiritual precedent for marriage (p. 136). See if the other is committed to purity. See how mature they are when it comes to waiting. 
• Agree to a purity covenant. Communicate about sexual temptations or fall victim to them. Agree to develop a plan (p. 136). 
• Understand sex only moves forward. You can not move backwards. Once you reach a certain sexual level, you will never be satisfied backing up (p. 137). 
• Date in public. Less likely to engage in sex (p. 137). Going to a hotel or a home can increase temptation. 
• Date in a group. Adds accountability and objectivity. (p. 137). 
• Don't live together. Can sexualize your relationship (p. 137).