#30dayChallenge Update

This is the update to the #30DayChallenge issued in August. I know I am absolutely late on this update, but I did not want to admit defeat.

In August, I failed 6 times. After not succeeding, I extended the challenge into September, where I failed 5 times. In October, finally, I made it 31 days without self-pleasure. I had to hold myself accountable to what I post. I noticed when I tracked the days, those self-defeating thoughts would creep in. You know you will fail. You know you are not having sex. You need to release some stress. I caved and failed for two months.

I went to a church sermon in August called At the Feet of Jesus Part 3. Pastor Mike said we should

 Be transmitters while being changed. If you used to do something, but not as much, that's a change. My testimony does not require perfection

I thought my testimony required perfection. I could not post about the challenge if I did not succeed. I did not want to admit defeat. I used to have sex 3-6 days a week. Then, I went to 1-2 days a week, and then finally 0. It is almost my 4 year anniversary of not having sex. The journey has been hard.

It was hard giving up the porn, the toys, and masturbation. I gave up porn a year after hearing a voice, I needed to stop. I didn't want to watch porn around my kids. I gave up the toys after a lot of debate. But after the toys were gone, I resorted to one of two methods. Then, the guilt started coming in.

I never felt guilty before after self-pleasure. I started to feel guilty. I didn't like that feeling at all.

What made me succeed?

First, I did not track the time, I did and did not masturbate. I noticed when I tracked August and September, the self defeating thoughts would occur more. I also tried not to focus on masturbation. When I stayed in the tub or shower too long, I had to remind myself to get out the tub and then get out. Get out the tub, get out the bathroom. I had to talk myself out of it, a lot.

What will help me continue to succeed?

Not sure, but I will try to provide an update to let you know my progress. 

Future post

I thought of a great post about the perception of masturbation for a future post. This post will require me to use my journalism degree and do some research, create an outline, and post some content.