_qevents.push({ qacct:"p-4yJM0Q9ZhYXfE" });

About Me

My photo

Welcome to Google (whether Plus, Perfect Chaos, or the Celibacy Diaries). My name is Stacie D. Wyatt.  I am a published poet and writer (Chocolate Kisses; Love.Lust.Life., Miscarried, Conversing with Sexuality; Conversing with Salvation; Conversing with Normality; Conversations 1, Never Argue with an Autistic child and other special tales, and Conversations 2. ). 

 I am also a product and book reviewer for a few sites (BookSneeze, Blogging for Books, Bethany House, Edelweiss, Tyndale House, and Netgalley). I will post reviews here regularly. I post reviews on Perfect Chaos. 

I also have two kids: 13 years old and 3 year old. My oldest is Autistic and my youngest is developmentally delayed, autistic, and a few other things. I also enjoy writing about the ups and downs of parenting two differently-abled children.

Search This Blog

Monday, January 30, 2017

Aborted----not going to happen

May 2013

Most people know, I started to lose my sex drive, after my last miscarriage, in 2009, but I did not stop having sex until 2010. I went from having sex a lot to a little to none at all. When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to avoid having another miscarriage.

I had one previously in 2005. It was not fun. My body was in pain. My fibroids was acting up, in addition to back to back outbreaks. I also was not sure who the father was. I went to the doctor to get treatment for the pain. She told me I was pregnant (about two months along). I checked my calendar for potential fathers and lost it. (side note: ever since I started having sex, I wrote each time down in my calendar, even while married. I tracked cycles, outbreaks, and sex. ). The calendar fell on a date, (the only date, within the two week time frame), when I had multiple partners, some on the same day.

If I got pregnant a few weeks before or a few weeks after, it would have been better, but the father could have been anyone. . Anyway, my body continued to be in pain. During August, 2005, I was in more pain. I went to the bathroom, thinking I had gas or something, and the mucus plug fell out in the toilet. I lost the baby. I went to the hospital alone. I lost the baby alone. I never wanted to go through that again.

It happened again. Fast forward to 2009. I met this fine, chocolate, man, in Atlanta, in 2006. He was the embodiment of sexiness. He provided me with great sex once in 2006. We did not have much in common and that was it. He said we was not relationship material (did not know we was seeking one) and we probably will never have sex again. The sexual relationship was over--so I thought.

Yet, I was addicted, I wanted more. He was my second great sex partner I ever had. I thought about him all the time. Even named a sex toy after him. We started back having sex in 2008. A man, hit me up, wanting to have sex around New Years Eve. I had to work part of that night. I told him yes, even though I had reservations. We had sex before and it sucked. I was going to cancel on him before he left his house, but he called and told me some interesting news.

Now, I was a former sex addict, and I know a few tricks/techniques men have used on me. I can spot a few things, a mile in advance. This dude called and said we was going to a friend house (alarms went up. sounds like a three some or a train). Then, he gave the friend's name (hormones went up). A chance to sex a great one. A chance to prove he would fuck me again. I went. I had sex with both men. I deleted the other dude's number, but maintained a sexual relationship with the great one for a few months (April, 2009).

I got a headache one day. Went to the clinic. I needed pain pills. The doctor said I can't have pain pills because I was pregnant. Ok, when was conception? Checked the calendar and my addiction fell within that two week time frame. I did not want anything from him--no more than what he was doing.

Now after the first miscarriage, I wanted to avoid some stress to keep from having another miscarriage. I did not want an outbreak or the fibroids to act up. I did not want to sit with legs propped up, losing a baby, in a hospital alone. First thing, I wanted to do was notify any potential father (s) about the pregnancy (to get that out the way). Then, I needed medicaid for myself. I found out I was pregnant on a Monday, May 18, 2009. I told the potential father on Tuesday. He said we was not in a relationship. We didn't love each other. It was not his. I should get an abortion (I don't believe in those).

If the baby was not his, then why did he want me to abort someone else's baby?

It hurt me to my core, once he said abortion. I wanted nothing from him (except the penis. Took me awhile to get over him. Great penis is hard to find).Went back to the Clinic on Wednesday to pick up the emergency medicaid forms. I noticed I was spotting. They rushed me to the hospital. I was there for hours and hours. The potential daddy was still texting me. I got home and  I prayed to the Lord, that if I could not handle another miscarriage alone, please take the baby from me.  When I woke up Thursday morning, I was bleeding heavily. I lost the baby that day.   alone again. legs propped up, losing baby, without any support. I lost a lot of respect for men that day. I had 600 names in my phone (family, friends, business contacts, potential sex partners, current sex partners, past sex partners). I started deleting numbers that day. I felt that most of these folks, would not sit in a hospital with me, during a miscarriage. I got down to 200 names before I left the hospital. Deleted potentials, past, and some currents.

A few days later, I went into post partum depression. I was upset I prayed for a "mental abortion". I was more worried/upset about losing great penis, than the baby (the mind of a sex addict). I could have raised the baby alone. No one really knew what I was going through.

When I was pregnant with Kalen, His father said the same thing. It was not his and I needed an abortion. If the baby was not his, then why did he want me to abort someone else's baby?I checked and verified with the doctor on conception dates. I wanted to be sure.

I found out I was pregnant in January, 2011. I checked the calendar. Since, I stopped having a lot of sex, the calendar was easier to look at. The doctor said I got pregnant in August. I had sex with one man at the beginning of August. I had sex with one man at the end of August. The doctor said I got pregnant towards the end. I did not have sex with anyone else until the middle or so until September. It was strange to me--that out of all the men, I had sex with---I still got pregnant by this one particular one. But, this time, it was easier. I wanted a healthy, stress-free pregnancy, even if I had to go through it alone (and I did it). Kalen is a happy baby.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please leave a comment