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About Me

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Welcome to Google (whether Plus, Perfect Chaos, or the Celibacy Diaries). My name is Stacie D. Wyatt.  I am a published poet and writer (Chocolate Kisses; Love.Lust.Life., Miscarried, Conversing with Sexuality; Conversing with Salvation; Conversing with Normality; Conversations 1, Never Argue with an Autistic child and other special tales, and Conversations 2. ). 

 I am also a product and book reviewer for a few sites (BookSneeze, Blogging for Books, Bethany House, Edelweiss, Tyndale House, and Netgalley). I will post reviews here regularly. I post reviews on Perfect Chaos. 

I also have two kids: 13 years old and 3 year old. My oldest is Autistic and my youngest is developmentally delayed, autistic, and a few other things. I also enjoy writing about the ups and downs of parenting two differently-abled children.

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Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Just Because You Can Doesn't Mean You Should

Yesterday,  my youngest was trying to plug my back massager up. I know the child needs to learn how to be independent, but he also has a pacemaker and a heart monitor. I don't want him plugging the wrong thing, the wrong one, one day and hurts his heart. Just because Kalen can plug and unplug up electronics, does not mean he should do so.

Kalen is very observant. He may not show what he knows at first, but eventually you find out. Kalen started out trying to charge my phone (he has broken many chargers and charging ports). Now he wants to plug up everything, but he is 5 and everything is not for him.

So, the title came to mind: Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Just because I can be sexually active and promisciuous, does not mean I should. The dangers out there are bigger than unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases, there  are also spiritual and mental ramifications.

There is more to this than being rejected for not giving in to your or someone else's desires. There is more to this than sending or recieving unwanted (maybe wanted) explicit pics. There is more to this than someone wasting your time, telling you they want to be friends or even a relationship, just to have sex.

I got to admit my soul is completely torn since I had sex. I am struggling with how to feel mentally. I haven't heard from this man in weeks, except one text asking for sexual favors, which I deleted once I saw it. I stated my intentions up front. I want a relationship. I want marriage. I want help with the kids. I explained why I chose celibacy and yet fell down hard. Losing celibacy is right up there with my former miscarriages on a mental and spiritual level.

I just do not feel the same way about sex anymore. I want to be more than a sex object. I want to be more than a conquest. More than a girl (shoot channeling Lyfe).

Just because I can doesn't mean I should

Stacie Wyatt

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

VDay Hormones

Something is in the air. I am not popular or the most beautiful woman in the world. I am not rich, but my phone has had in increase in calls in the past week.

A few men have called for "convo" as a way to ask for sex. Someone in the complex called to talk but wants to grab my butt. I am not a big fan of pda and touching without permission is a no no.

Even the dude, I messed up with, texted for head at 230 am. I did not respond and deleted the message, to keep from responding, when I woke up.

Another dude, who I met last year, started calling back. If you havent called since 2016 and we are not friends or business associates, we don't need to talk now.

He was another, who wants a serious relationship, but seems to only want a sexual relationship. If you only call to discuss sex, your motives are clear and intentional. Men (and women) don't have to hide behind a serious relationship if they only want sex. Be open and blunt about what you want, even if you get turned down.

I never been big on blocking numbers ( I just stop answering or texting back) but it is about time to start. Just because I messed up, does not mean I want to repeat all the mistakes of my past.

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

What am I Now

January 30, 2017 What am I Now?

This post is hard to write, but I recently had sex and I am so confused. I have a parade of mixed feelings and confusion. I wanted to wait for a husband, but I got someone, who says they wanted a relationship. Someone, who interacted with the kids. Someone, who was good looking with muscles. He also was a Marine.

I lost my identity. What am I? Am I still celibate because I have started the celibacy process over? Am I sexually active or am I just going without? What am I? Who am I? I can't talk to Him about it. He is not a big caller or texter, which I knew before I met him. I have emotions, which showed up after and I can't talk to anyone about them. I feel lost and confused.

I feel guilt for giving up my celibacy. I feel like I betrayed God and myself. I downloaded a few new bible plans on sexuality, which have been seriously helping me, but I feel empty inside. I feel hurt. I feel scared because I have no desire to go back to a promiscious lifestyle.

Was I wrong in thinking a man is willing to wait on me until marriage? Is sex now a requirement for any hope of a relationship?

How to move past losing celibacy and starting over again?

That is the question. How to move past losing celibacy and starting a new path until marriage. Until I find a man, who is willing to wait and do things God's way. The last two weeks of church plus the bible plans have brought home some strong points. 

  • Celibacy transforms us. I stopped having sex from 2010 to 2016 and have no desire to be promiscuous again. 
  • Pastor Mike said the greatest obstacle is giving up after we fall instead of moving forward. I can still share my growth, development, and failures, even though I sinned against God and betrayed myself. 
  • I still want a faithful, monogamous marriage. 
  • Santification: seems to be the keyword for church and the bible plans. I have seen this word multiple times. Santification is tied to growth and development. Santification does not mean perfection. We will still sin. We will still fall short. 
  • I need to strengthen my boundaries when company comes over (or when we meet somewhere else other than my house.) This may mean the Marine and I are not meant for each other in the long run and he may have to be removed from my life.