Respect My Choices
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I know when you do things, different from the norm, you have people questioning why. You get the side eyes and snide comments. People do not understand why you are not normal (nor do I want to be normal) and not conforming to societal ideals.
Case in point: choosing to go without sex, whether temporary or a lifetime. I thought telling people, I had Herpes was hard during the first few years of diagnosis, but telling people, I am not having sex is harder. I am open about my celibacy. It is on dating profiles to eliminate people, looking for sex, but some men still slip through the cracks. My disclaimer is I have herpes, I am celibate, and I am fixed.
I had a man, who told me, I am not humble enough, because I won't have sex with him. Even know it was clear on my profile, I guess he wanted a challenge. Even if he did succeed, Stacie has a history of one-night stands. It won't last. He will be another regret and another notch on the body count belt. Someone suggested I should go to Lesbian route. I could possibly, maybe, (probably not) be re-married by now if I just gave in to someone, who lives in another state, but wants nothing to do with my kids. I could be in all these lovelyrelationships (having sex, with someone, does not equal a long-term relationship. repeat over and over again).
Some try to slip through, using small steps. I met this one person, in front of my complex, while waiting for a kid to get home from school. I asked him what he wanted. He wanted friends. Platonic or non-platonic, I asked. He was good with both, but I said I was celibate, just in case, he got ideas.
He wanted to guess my Bra size. I told him no. He was persistent. I said sure why not, despite personal feelings, to shut him up, which is another post. Sometimes We need to stop unwanted convos, asap, versus letting them persist). He wanted to know what part of the body, men commented on the most. He wanted "sexy pics". He wanted to kiss and feel on things. I told him no. No to the pics. No to the kissing. No to the touching. All those go against the boundaries, I have set. If a man is not willing to respect my boundaries, then I do not need to be with him, in any way, shape or form.
Some of my boundaries include:
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I know when you do things, different from the norm, you have people questioning why. You get the side eyes and snide comments. People do not understand why you are not normal (nor do I want to be normal) and not conforming to societal ideals.
Case in point: choosing to go without sex, whether temporary or a lifetime. I thought telling people, I had Herpes was hard during the first few years of diagnosis, but telling people, I am not having sex is harder. I am open about my celibacy. It is on dating profiles to eliminate people, looking for sex, but some men still slip through the cracks. My disclaimer is I have herpes, I am celibate, and I am fixed.
I had a man, who told me, I am not humble enough, because I won't have sex with him. Even know it was clear on my profile, I guess he wanted a challenge. Even if he did succeed, Stacie has a history of one-night stands. It won't last. He will be another regret and another notch on the body count belt. Someone suggested I should go to Lesbian route. I could possibly, maybe, (probably not) be re-married by now if I just gave in to someone, who lives in another state, but wants nothing to do with my kids. I could be in all these lovely
Some try to slip through, using small steps. I met this one person, in front of my complex, while waiting for a kid to get home from school. I asked him what he wanted. He wanted friends. Platonic or non-platonic, I asked. He was good with both, but I said I was celibate, just in case, he got ideas.
He wanted to guess my Bra size. I told him no. He was persistent. I said sure why not, despite personal feelings, to shut him up, which is another post. Sometimes We need to stop unwanted convos, asap, versus letting them persist). He wanted to know what part of the body, men commented on the most. He wanted "sexy pics". He wanted to kiss and feel on things. I told him no. No to the pics. No to the kissing. No to the touching. All those go against the boundaries, I have set. If a man is not willing to respect my boundaries, then I do not need to be with him, in any way, shape or form.
Some of my boundaries include:
- I do not watch pornography.
- I stopped reading erotica.
- No one is coming over my house, especially at night.
- I do not send nor accept x-rated pics.
- No inappropriate touching. Touching can lead to sex, which increases body count and regrets.
- No engaging in sex talk. It is one thing to discuss why I am celibate. It is another to discuss likes and dislikes; fantasies.
One good book, which discusses boundaries, is Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud. You can read this one or other books, on my Celibacy Book Idea List on Amazon.
You have to set boundaries to have continued success, while maintaining a celibate life. There are so many temptations and triggers, which can send us back down a promiscuous path. The convo should have stopped after I mentioned I was celibate, if he was looking for a sexual relationship. Plenty of women to engage with. I know for me, I do not want to slip again. I want the right relationship, for me, if that is what God wants. Some people are meant to be single for life. The Apostle/Disciple Paul did discuss the advantage of being single. We can focus more on God. My pastor, said in a sermon, we can use our spiritual gifts, in our single season. We can use our singleness to help further the kingdom of God.
The dude, as well as other dudes, in the past 10 years (Wow, I have gone without sex for the majority of 10 years), have to respect my choices, just as well I have to respect theirs. If they are looking for what I can't offer, I need to move on, and vice versa. Being persistent in getting someone to loosen boundaries, only makes them happy, even if you are not. I have blocked and deleted, a few people, because of how they responded to a choice/boundary, I made.
What are some of your boundaries in maintaining a celibate lifestyle?
Stacie D. Wyatt
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