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About Me

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Welcome to Google (whether Plus, Perfect Chaos, or the Celibacy Diaries). My name is Stacie D. Wyatt.  I am a published poet and writer (Chocolate Kisses; Love.Lust.Life., Miscarried, Conversing with Sexuality; Conversing with Salvation; Conversing with Normality; Conversations 1, Never Argue with an Autistic child and other special tales, and Conversations 2. ). 

 I am also a product and book reviewer for a few sites (BookSneeze, Blogging for Books, Bethany House, Edelweiss, Tyndale House, and Netgalley). I will post reviews here regularly. I post reviews on Perfect Chaos. 

I also have two kids: 13 years old and 3 year old. My oldest is Autistic and my youngest is developmentally delayed, autistic, and a few other things. I also enjoy writing about the ups and downs of parenting two differently-abled children.

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Sunday, August 25, 2013

Boundaries

During the Celibacy is Sexy Chat on Monday, Kenny Pugh discussed setting boundaries in your relationships based on your values. If someone violates your boundaries, you need to incorporate consequences. You don't need to be with someone, who pressures you into having sex. They are not the one for you. You need to rethink any relationship, which wants to to violate boundaries, whatever they are (financial, mental stability, religious, etc).

So for this post, I decided to go through my favorite go-to books and discuss what each book says about boundaries. For me, I try to limit conversations about sex. I do not send XXX pics and videos. If someone sends me one, I immediately delete it. I do tell them not to send me any more, just in case, they are able to change. I also have a wonderful block feature on my phone. Some of my favorite sex songs, I gave up listening to. I don't watch porn at all anymore. and If for some reason, some bald headed, chocolate man, posts a sexy pic on facebook, I try not to stare too long (SMH Stacie).

This is a long post. Direct quotes are presented in italics. All sources are cited. Some of the books I bought from Amazon and Christian Books. Others I got for review. All these books are written from a Christian perspective. If you can't finish the post in one sitting, bookmark it, and come back later to finish. 

 Celibacy: what was I thinking by Tranea Prosser (review book)

  1. Refusing to answer questions about sexual preferences and birth control methods. Some questions may include What are you wearing? Talk sweet to me? Anything to do with Phone sex. 
  2. Write a list of characteristics you want in a mate, based on category, such as friend, acquaintance, and husband. The characteristics/traits need to have depth, not superficiality. 
  3. Do not send or receive XXX Pics and videos. 
  4. Prayer. Every man Tranea is interested in, goes to God in prayer. 
  5. NO ROMANCE NOVELS. Romance novels sometimes, well a lot of them have explicit sex scenes. They also can set unrealistic expectations. Now Stacie reviews books. Any romance novels, I have already committed to, I will finish, but I am not requesting any more. The books was starting to irritate me. You always know the girl will end up with the guy, no matter how much they can't stand each other in the beginning. and I have to skip (most of the time) over the sex scenes. 
  6. Be careful who you ask for relationship and romance advice from. 
  7. Accountability. Being open, honest. Describing what happened? when it happened? listen to wisdom. Find a good accountability partner, who you can trust.

What are you waiting for by Dannah Gresh? (amazon)

Chapter 11: The Line: What level of touching and Kissing is ok? How far is too far? Dannah discussed how a youth pastor said anything above the belt line is ok, yet going above is still dangerous territory. A kiss can be sweet and innocent or dangerously seductive (p. 111). You can feel a connection, a spark, or some strong sexual chemistry. How about fondling? God wants you to be exclusive not just in what you let a guy touches with his hands, but in what he caresses with his eyes as well (p. 115). Cover yourself up. I am guilty of showing lots of boobie cleavage in public.

Each touch or fondle or grope, whatever you call it,  can create an emotional connection. Lots of oxytocin released. According to Gresh, Oxytocin can help a woman reach her happy place. It creates desire. How about the imfamous oral sex? Gresh says Oral sex can create an emotional connection as well (p. 117), in addition to STDs. I used to be one of those women, who thought Oral sex was not sex, but hey it got sex in the name.

Gresh also gives a box, which is named: Where is your line?  on page 116. It consists of 10 activities. Her directions. Pick a place to draw your line.


  • Sexual intercourse
  • Oral sex
  • Mutual masturbation
  • Breast fondling
  • The horizontal make-out
  • The vertical make-out
  • An open mouth kiss
  • A soft kiss
  • Holding hands
  • A steady gaze.
Finally, Gresh says on Page 118, we aren't supposed to be finding out just how close we can get to that virgin line without sinning. Instead we should be pursuing a life that is free from any hint of sexual sin. 

Jennifer LeClaire: A spiritual warrior's guide to defeating Jezebel (book review)

LeClaire discussed how we all may fall prey to temptation or sexual immorality. It doesn't matter if we are Christian or not. Being in a committed relationship does not mean we can engage in premarital sex. It is still wrong in the eyes of God. 

Page 31 says how some people look for ways to justify their self-will. I am guilty of this. This is ok because I am under stress or I need a release. This is ok, but yet still wrong as hell. Page 31 to 32 also says others draw broad lines around the definition of sexual immorality, suggesting fondling and oral sex outside the bonds of marriage is within the acceptable boundaries of God's word. This type of information merely sets believers for a devastating fall by beguiling them into walking  a tightrope that spans the pits of Jezebel. Sexual immorality is any sexual act outside the covenant of marriage

Confessions of  Good Christian Girl by Tammy Maltby (Christian Books). 

Chapter 3 was a powerful chapter. One of the first passages, which stood out was How would you feel if somebody turned a spotlight on our sexual history? What is everyone you met suddenly knew the details of what you had done and what had been done to you? (p. 37). Yikes. I have done things, I still have not told anyone. I have done things I am embarrassed about. Things I regret. Things I enjoyed. Things I will never do again. Yet, Things I have learned from. Things I will never discuss in church or confess to a priest. Everyone has their secrets. Most people know I had a lot of sex in the past, but most don't know my count. Some know I used to be a webcam girl. I took XXX pics and videos for fun and for profit.  One night stands. Affairs. Cheating. Addiction to porn, sex, masturbation, and toys. I was sexually open, but broken as well. Used sex to manipulate others. maybe. Sex to hide pain. maybe. Sex for food. Sex for money. maybe and maybe. Sex for a place to live. maybe. Sex because I am bored. maybe. Sex to prove a point. maybe. 

Definitely not an angel. I can say all that, but I still have a few stories and regrets, I am embarrassed to share, even with God. Confession is good for the soul, but how much confession? total, open honesty, risking judgment and cruelty. Risk losing a potential relationship because you mentioned your sex count, even if his may be a tad higher. Telling people I have herpes is easier than telling about my sexual past. Definitely easier than explaining why I am celibate. When I took a celibacy course a while back, my mentor suggested I talk to the church to find an accountability partner. I been going to my church a little over a year now, but I am not sure about revealing my sexual past to just anyone. I talk to people at church, but mostly about my kids. I hardly ever talk about myself. Definitely guarded. Even if the church offered a celibacy course, not sure how open I would be. Go to the blog, Stacie would say lol. hit me up in an email or after church, but public confession. ummmm, not at this time. 

Kenny Pugh was saying in a chat a while back how we need to save a first for our spouse. and I'm not sure what that first is. I never been with a woman, but that will never be a first. All I could think of was to be committed, fully committed to the marriage, to the best of my ability. 

There is a great chapter on confession on page. 255. What to do when a good christian girl confesses to you. Listen. Do not judge. Pray. Don't try to fix the problem. Be careful of giving advice. 

Dating and the Single Parent by Ron L. Deal (book review)

Page 227 discusses how we are to flee from sexual immorality. It also gives a list of unacceptable and acceptable behaviors/boundaries.  Deal suggests we keep our physical activities between numbers 1 and 4 (pp. 227-228).

  1. Holding hands
  2. Hugging
  3. Light kissing
  4. French Kissing
  5. Kissing on neck, ears, or other parts of the body
  6. Indirect stimulation of breast and genitals
  7. Manual stimulation of breasts and genitals.
  8. Oral stimulation of breasts and genitals
  9. Intercourse/anal sex
If we mess up, we are to confess our sins to God and repent. Inform your mentor. Confess and seek forgiveness from your sexual partner. Develop a purity pledge for your relationships. 

Can you do it standing up by Kenny Pugh (amazon)

  • Page 38 Don't allow your impatience to convince you to do something which is not in your best interest long-term. 
  • Put GOD First in every relationship. 
  • Don't entertain sexual conversations and innuendo. 
  • If you are friends with an ex-boyfriend or even an ex- sex partner, set additional boundaries if you are in a relationship. The ex can pose a threat to the current relationship. 
  • Know when it is time to let someone go. If you are committed and they are not, then that's a sign. Stop investing time and energy into someone, who may not be sure who or want they want. Don't settle. Uncommitted relationships are a form of dead weight that can keep you from being all god has designed you to be. (p.59)
  • Don't allow yourself to be unequally yoked to someone. To be unequally yoked means to be connected or tied to someone who does not have the same beliefs, desires, and/or goals as you (p. 65)
  • No sex. no test driving. (now you knew that was coming, It is a book on celibacy. This is a celibacy blog. Sex can confuse things, like emotions. Wait until marriage. the right marriage. A God-ordained marriage. When you recognize the true value of something, there is no need to test drive or try it out (p. 91). 
  • Revise and revisit your list of expectations 1x to 2x a year. Look at your life, desires, values, etc. Do not carry the same list for years and decades. Things change, so should your expectations. 
  • Simply knowing and believing in God is not basis for a relationship. (p. 101). Once again, sharing one trait is not enough to base the relationship on. God should be the foundation, but you still need Godly guidance on picking a mate. If he is wrong for you, then he is wrong for you. Christian or not. 
  • Kenny does give a solid relationship plan in p. 111. Read the bible. Seek a relationship/marriage mentor. Work on you. 


Celibacy: What was I thinking Book review

I read Celibacy: What Was I thinking by Tranea Prosser. She responded to an pitch I put on Pitchrate. I started reading the book in July but finished it a few days ago, when I was waiting for Kalen's MRI to be finished. I received a pdf copy of the book. The joys of PDFs. I started reading the book on the PC. I later transferred it to the Kindle and phone, which gave me a few issues on book layout. For some reason, both the kindle and phone was moving too far ahead. I was reading one passage on one page, hit the next button, and I was more than a page up. I had to do some careful navigating to finish the book. Tap slow. Move slow.

My Review:

The book details Tranea's road to celibacy. Chapter 1 defined celibacy: absence from sexual intercourse. People go celibate/abstinent for many reasons, whether religious or something else. Some people may want to start over mentally, physically, and spiritually. Other people may want to change their bad habits or heal past wounds. For me, I never planned to go celibate. Life just threw me some curve balls, which got me sitting my black butt down. It will be three years for me in November. Tranea has been celibate for 15 years. She my hero because I don't know if I can go that long without lassoing someone and dragging them to the altar, after I finally get this divorce.

Page 7 needed some breaks. That was one long paragraph, but it brought up great and not so great childhood memories. From Riding bikes, to swinging in the park, to playing school, playing crazy 8's, and getting whippings.

Tranea also discussed her background, such as her former marriage. After the marriage ended, her behavior changed towards sex. She was selfish, had more one-night stands, did not let emotions get involved, similar to how I was. I used to have all these feelings tied when I had sex with men. I got upset when someone did not call again after having sex with them. I was confused. I was hurt. I was still learning about sex. Even though I got married at 18, the sex life with the bozo sucked. I was not confident enough to tell him what I wanted, let alone figure out what I wanted. I had just started having sex when I met him. Very naive when it came to sexual relations.

 Over time, she lost desire and hurt her self emotionally, similar to me, very similar to me. One thing Tranea did different was to improve her prayer life. Start listening to God. Reading the bible. Doing what God says quickly, without thinking too long about it. Tranea wants to remain celibate until God says it is time. I think that is a great idea. No point in rushing into bed with someone, God has not ordained for you. More troubles. More regrets.

Another passage I liked was her pearls of wisdom, which included:

  1. Find out how possessive the person, who you want to date is. How does (s)he react when the opposite sex is around? What are his/her expectations of your time? Is (s)he jealous?
  2. Find out how (s)he handles finances. If (s)he won't share small change, (s)he may not share big money down the line. 
  3. You have to have other interests besides going to church. This concept can apply to many things. Some people believe if you have one thing in common, then you should be compatible in other things. NO NO HECK NO. I am not going to simply date you because we both have herpes. OR we both are celibate. OR we both don't want more kids. OR we both are black. Having one thing in common does not determine a successful relationship. 
Next, Tranea wrote about her personal dating experiences. Some included a man asking for money for a car. That was hilarious. She saw him years later and quickly moved out that parking lot. She also talked about men using her. She also discussed her marriage and divorce. 

Finally, The book discussed setting boundaries for dating and relationships (which will tie into another post I am writing). Some of her boundaries included (and I will incorporate a few of things into my celibacy walk):
  1. Refusing to answer questions about sexual preferences and birth control methods. Some questions may include What are you wearing? Talk sweet to me? Anything to do with Phone sex. 
  2. Write a list of characteristics you want in a mate, based on category, such as friend, acquaintance, and husband. The characteristics/traits need to have depth, not superficiality. 
  3. Do not send or receive XXX Pics and videos. 
  4. Prayer. Every man Tranea is interested in, goes to God in prayer. 
  5. NO ROMANCE NOVELS. Romance novels sometimes, well a lot of them have explicit sex scenes. They also can set unrealistic expectations. Now Stacie reviews books. Any romance novels, I have already committed to, I will finish, but I am not requesting any more. The books was starting to irritate me. You always know the girl will end up with the guy, no matter how much they can't stand each other in the beginning. and I have to skip (most of the time) over the sex scenes. 
  6. Be careful who you ask for relationship and romance advice from. 
  7. Accountability. Being open, honest. Describing what happened? when it happened? listen to wisdom. Find a good accountability partner, who you can trust. 


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Tuesday, August 13, 2013

You dont really know me

I wrote this blog post in church but can't find my notes. This is what I get for not using the Kindle or phone lol.

but anyway, a dude hit me up the other day. I know him from Atlanta. I have seen him once and maybe talked to him once. I met him, I think, on my way to my volunteer job. He was either at the train station or walking to or from my job. Told him I moved to Texas b/c of an eviction. and he suggested I could have moved in with him. Wow. He is not the first person to suggest I move in with him, after moving to Texas. I just want to know WHY. He don't know me from a grain of rice.  He wants a relationship and kids, but we mainly had e-mail conversations.

When I stayed in Atlanta, I barely saw my oldest. Kalen was not born yet. I also did not bring Brad around people, I was having sex with. That was a no-no. Why subject my child to someone, I will never see again?

I also worked part time jobs and went to school. I did not have a steady source of income. I had income but it varied in amounts, based on how many hours worked for that month, if I did work. No source of steady income plus Stacie sometimes means I have to sex, in exchange for rent. Not trying to do that.

I would not be faithful to him only because a) we are not in a relationship b)I won't be committed to him c) if I wanted to have sex, penis and tongue, in Atlanta, is a quick train and bus trip. I will be moving back into my old hunting grounds. d) I also may not stay long. It will be a temporary arrangement.

If I was single and having sex, My answer would probably be different. Sure, I stay with you. Toss in a few lies, sprinkled in, here and there, and Viola, back to where i started. Looking for another temporary place to stay with another temporary penis. Go have sex when you at work.

Funny story: I was staying with a man for about  2 to 3 months in 2006. He was platonic at first, but it later moved into a sexual relationship. We met a few months before moving in. It was not the ideal arrangement. No beds, so we both slept on the floor or the couch. I had a slight crush on him and wanted him, but through a casual convo, learned I was not his type. He wanted a woman, more feminine. One who wears dresses all the time, make up, fake this, fake that, etc. I was hurt, but he did not know I liked him. Anyway, He thought because I did not go out at night or invite anyone over, then I must not be having sex. He wasn't having sex and thought I was in the same boat. I looked at him and told him, I was having sex, but I'm not bringing another man to his house. Ok, back to my original ramblings.

If I ever move again, I want my own place, a steady job, the ability to pay my own bills, and I am living alone (with the kids). I don't want to live with a man again, unless he is a husband or it is a true room mate situation (he pays his bills, I pay mine. we do not have sex ever).

Sunday, August 11, 2013

20/20

Im watching 20/20, the love special on ABC right now. The episode details what people will do for love. Right now, they are discussing engagements. One woman was a professional cuddler, aligning in on people, who believed in the power of touch. There was also make-out parties, which people can kiss random strangers.

Earlier, they had one woman, who wrote a list of 72 characteristics of the perfect man. She even gave each trait, points. Any man scoring under a 700 will not fit her standards. She did find a man, who scored a 720, married him, and they now have a 3 year old together. The first part of the list was generic, but went into detailed mode. She went completely overboard and it did pay off. I wonder if I could even think of 72 Items of the perfect man, let alone score points. What if you never find the perfect man or woman because your standards are so freaking high.

So, for fun, Let's see how far, I can go, writing a list, before I get tired.


  1. Must be a man, born a man with male genatalia. 
  2. Must believe in God. Christian. Goes to church. 
  3. Must be celibate or willing to be celibate. 
  4. Must be ok with me having herpes. 
  5. Must love special needs kids, two of them, Brad and Kalen. 
  6. Must not be in a relationship with anyone currently.
  7. Must be able to support his self financially. Pay his own bills without relying on me, because I am broke. His source must be legal.
  8. No drug use, unless it's was prescribed by a doctor, and it is needed. No abuse. Been there, done that with myself. Live with it daily, thanks to relatives. 
  9. No drunks. I do drink alcohol every now and then, but I can not stand drunks. Don't end up on youtube because i just may do it. 
  10. Must not want any more kids. I can't have them. I am fixed. I don't want to date someone, who wants kids or not sure, if he wants kids. I don't want to be regret down the road. 
  11. Must not have a tendency or willingness to abuse, hit, a woman or kids. Been there, don't want to go back. 
  12. Understand that I am a natural introvert. I don't want to meet family and kids upfront. I am willing to make an exception on the kids, since my kids go everywhere I go.
  13. I don't want to be under people all day. I don't want to spend every waking moment with a man. I don't want to have to talk to him 100 times a day. 
  14. Must not pressure me into having sex. 

Ok im bored. 72 items is hard to create. SMH

Thursday, August 8, 2013

An interesting conversation

A random dude hit me up on a dating site. We exchanged numbers and had a small conversation. One of the things he asked me was when and if I got into a relationship, will I have sex to please my man? My first thought, cut him. Ok, Stacie knows she got a violent side. Kenny Pugh, on one of his celibacy chats, said that if someone wanted to be in a relationship, they would not pressure you into having sex. They will be willing to wait. And we all are worth the wait. If they are looking for sex only, then they should state that during the first conversation, so that I may (will) delete his number.

Some things should be stated upfront. For me, it's I am Celibate, I am fixed, and I have herpes. Those are my disclaimers. Accept them or leave me alone. I don't want to waste anyone's time, no more than they want to waste mine.

A great example of not wasting someone's time happened when I was staying in Atlanta. I was at the library, sitting outside, putting some books inside my bag. A random dude walked up to me, made small talk, said he was looking for a relationship. I said I was not looking and he simply said ok, thank you, and walked away. I asked him why he walked away and he said since we are not looking for the same things, there was no sense in continuing the conversation. I liked his approach.

When you are getting to know someone, if your standards do not match his standards, walk way. Don't stay in the relationship. Don't waste your time. Don't try to change the person. Simply walk away and find someone, who does. Why waste days, months, and years in a relationship with someone, who is simply incompatible? For example, one example I mentioned before is kids. If you want kids, do not talk to someone, who does not want any. If you are a Christian, why waste time talking to an atheist? If you want sex, why waste time talking to a celibate person? Ok, I get that. Ya know, take their renewed virginity, only to have them start their progress over. I used to do that to men, on purpose. I knew good and darn well (see I'm watching my tongue), most men I was with, will never be more than a one night stand. Some I even told, Hey you, this will be a one-time thing. I know me. I have zero feelings for you other than to get some basic, regular, one-time sex. Don't take it personal but I will delete your number as soon as we have sex. Of course, some people did not believe me, calling days, weeks, months, years later, asking why they didn't get a second go-round. I never had the right answer to make them happy. It was just sex, dummy. You was nothing more than a sex partner. You should have known that we only had a sexual relationship. We did not discuss anything other than sex. You don't know me and I don't know you other than the sexual component. 

I never understood how some folks, including myself, when I first started having sex, in addition to when I started having lots of sex, didn't know anything was going to come from a friendship, other than a booty call. Then, I got wise. I kind of got a sixth sense of when a man was not going to call again, contact me again, etc, after having sex. I also had my sixth sense of who will be a repeat and who will not. A few folks have told me I have the mind of a man. Even then, I still confused lust with love, when I just was in love with the penis or the tongue, not the man attached.

Anyway, I Rambled long enough

Stacie D. Wyatt

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Getting to know Smokey (through his music)

July 31, 2013


fso 001This was written while I was at church Wednesday, listening to Smokey Norful perform. I never heard of him until 4 years ago. I still had the pics in one of my yahoo groups.

In 2009, I went to see my husband, Joe Thomas, perform at FSO (For Sisters Only) in Atlanta. I saw some great artists: some I Knew. Some I did not know. Jazmine Sullivan, Deborah Cox, Terrance Howard. I also got free swag (T-shirts, CDs, Pictures, etc). I got a CD by Frank Ski. I did not pay it any attention at first. I put it aside with the rest of my cds and/or copied it to the mp3 player.  I admit I am not a big fan of gospel music. I know some songs, I know some artists, but mostly I am a fan of Christian Rock (Third Day, Steven Curtis Chapman, Avalon, Jars of Clay, Casting Crowns, Petra, etc). Yeah I know, I have been called non-black for years LOL. I do love old Kirk Franklin (The family, Nu Nation, etc).

2009 was also the year I had my 2nd miscarriage. I was hurt. I was depressed. I was devastated for many reasons. I was lonely. I was tired of men. Sick of sex. I was done. I didn't blame God. I blamed myself. The miscarriage is what started me on my slowwwwwwwwww road to celibacy. I did not listen to the voice, in my head telling me to stop having sex, to stop watching porn, and to get rid of the toys, years before. I did not listen. I listened then.

One day, either I  was walking with either the CD or MP3 player and I need you now came on. It was what I needed then. It got me through my situation mentally. That song will always have special significance to me. I eventually moved through life, past the depression, even though remnants still pop up at times, 4 years later.

The day at FSO changed my life. I had a date with a platonic friend to FSO. We made plans in advance. He said he bought the tickets. The night before, another friend called (was platonic then, became sexual later). He wanted to take some pics (yeah those pics). He even gave me $40 or $50 dollars. I thought, hey well dude bought the tickets for FSO, the least I can do is buy some food or souvenirs. Now getting to and from My friend's house took 2 hours each way. I got back to Atlanta, headed to the convention center. Called the date. He did not answer. Ok, so I went to get a ticket. 15 dollars. good price to see Joe perform. Of course I had to suffer through Plies to get to Joe (to get a good seat). My husband performed from his New Man Cd. I Got footage, but the camera did not record sound. Yet, somehow in the midst, I grabbed this cd produced by Frank Ski. It it wasn't for Joe, I would have never met Smokey through the one song, I knew he sang for the longest. 

There was some other great artists on the cd: DMX doing poetry, Kirk Franklin, Eddie Long (doing a few mini sermons), and other artists, who I do not know who they are. but I need you now is still one of my favorite Gospel Songs.