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About Me

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Welcome to Google (whether Plus, Perfect Chaos, or the Celibacy Diaries). My name is Stacie D. Wyatt.  I am a published poet and writer (Chocolate Kisses; Love.Lust.Life., Miscarried, Conversing with Sexuality; Conversing with Salvation; Conversing with Normality; Conversations 1, Never Argue with an Autistic child and other special tales, and Conversations 2. ). 

 I am also a product and book reviewer for a few sites (BookSneeze, Blogging for Books, Bethany House, Edelweiss, Tyndale House, and Netgalley). I will post reviews here regularly. I post reviews on Perfect Chaos. 

I also have two kids: 13 years old and 3 year old. My oldest is Autistic and my youngest is developmentally delayed, autistic, and a few other things. I also enjoy writing about the ups and downs of parenting two differently-abled children.

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Sunday, August 25, 2013

Celibacy: What was I thinking Book review

I read Celibacy: What Was I thinking by Tranea Prosser. She responded to an pitch I put on Pitchrate. I started reading the book in July but finished it a few days ago, when I was waiting for Kalen's MRI to be finished. I received a pdf copy of the book. The joys of PDFs. I started reading the book on the PC. I later transferred it to the Kindle and phone, which gave me a few issues on book layout. For some reason, both the kindle and phone was moving too far ahead. I was reading one passage on one page, hit the next button, and I was more than a page up. I had to do some careful navigating to finish the book. Tap slow. Move slow.

My Review:

The book details Tranea's road to celibacy. Chapter 1 defined celibacy: absence from sexual intercourse. People go celibate/abstinent for many reasons, whether religious or something else. Some people may want to start over mentally, physically, and spiritually. Other people may want to change their bad habits or heal past wounds. For me, I never planned to go celibate. Life just threw me some curve balls, which got me sitting my black butt down. It will be three years for me in November. Tranea has been celibate for 15 years. She my hero because I don't know if I can go that long without lassoing someone and dragging them to the altar, after I finally get this divorce.

Page 7 needed some breaks. That was one long paragraph, but it brought up great and not so great childhood memories. From Riding bikes, to swinging in the park, to playing school, playing crazy 8's, and getting whippings.

Tranea also discussed her background, such as her former marriage. After the marriage ended, her behavior changed towards sex. She was selfish, had more one-night stands, did not let emotions get involved, similar to how I was. I used to have all these feelings tied when I had sex with men. I got upset when someone did not call again after having sex with them. I was confused. I was hurt. I was still learning about sex. Even though I got married at 18, the sex life with the bozo sucked. I was not confident enough to tell him what I wanted, let alone figure out what I wanted. I had just started having sex when I met him. Very naive when it came to sexual relations.

 Over time, she lost desire and hurt her self emotionally, similar to me, very similar to me. One thing Tranea did different was to improve her prayer life. Start listening to God. Reading the bible. Doing what God says quickly, without thinking too long about it. Tranea wants to remain celibate until God says it is time. I think that is a great idea. No point in rushing into bed with someone, God has not ordained for you. More troubles. More regrets.

Another passage I liked was her pearls of wisdom, which included:

  1. Find out how possessive the person, who you want to date is. How does (s)he react when the opposite sex is around? What are his/her expectations of your time? Is (s)he jealous?
  2. Find out how (s)he handles finances. If (s)he won't share small change, (s)he may not share big money down the line. 
  3. You have to have other interests besides going to church. This concept can apply to many things. Some people believe if you have one thing in common, then you should be compatible in other things. NO NO HECK NO. I am not going to simply date you because we both have herpes. OR we both are celibate. OR we both don't want more kids. OR we both are black. Having one thing in common does not determine a successful relationship. 
Next, Tranea wrote about her personal dating experiences. Some included a man asking for money for a car. That was hilarious. She saw him years later and quickly moved out that parking lot. She also talked about men using her. She also discussed her marriage and divorce. 

Finally, The book discussed setting boundaries for dating and relationships (which will tie into another post I am writing). Some of her boundaries included (and I will incorporate a few of things into my celibacy walk):
  1. Refusing to answer questions about sexual preferences and birth control methods. Some questions may include What are you wearing? Talk sweet to me? Anything to do with Phone sex. 
  2. Write a list of characteristics you want in a mate, based on category, such as friend, acquaintance, and husband. The characteristics/traits need to have depth, not superficiality. 
  3. Do not send or receive XXX Pics and videos. 
  4. Prayer. Every man Tranea is interested in, goes to God in prayer. 
  5. NO ROMANCE NOVELS. Romance novels sometimes, well a lot of them have explicit sex scenes. They also can set unrealistic expectations. Now Stacie reviews books. Any romance novels, I have already committed to, I will finish, but I am not requesting any more. The books was starting to irritate me. You always know the girl will end up with the guy, no matter how much they can't stand each other in the beginning. and I have to skip (most of the time) over the sex scenes. 
  6. Be careful who you ask for relationship and romance advice from. 
  7. Accountability. Being open, honest. Describing what happened? when it happened? listen to wisdom. Find a good accountability partner, who you can trust. 

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