What's not being said Part 2

I thought of some things, while in church today. Pastor Mike talked about the trap of pornography. Pastor Mike discussed David and Bathsheba. David lusted after Bathesheba, killed off her husband, and got her pregnant. The baby died though. David was a Christian with issues of the flesh.

David lusted after Bathsheba while she was bathing outside. Her husband, Uriah, was a soldier, and may not been able to afford indoor plumbing. She bathed at night when David was supposed to be sleep. David looked too long when he could have went back into the house.

Pastor Mike said it was wrong to engage through images because images can put pressure on the mind. Men have a chemical response to respond to a naked woman The switch is turned on in a world, we shouldn't be in. David had wives and concubines, but it wasn't enough to satisfy him. He wanted Bathsheba and he got her. Ancient History (About.Com) said David had 7 wives and multiple concubines.

I thought about my issues/former issues of the flesh. I used to watch porn on a regular basis. I gave that up shortly after moving to Texas. I used to get cranky when I went two weeks without sex. Don't let that break be followed by an outbreak or a cycle, I get real cranky. Of course, I had to make up for all the lost time by going on marathon to find regular and new sexual partners.

In Sunday School, I wrote a list of more things, which can not be said because of embarrassment, shame, or regret. Some things include my sex count, past sexual behavior, and former sex partners, who I should have left alone for various reasons.

I thought about the married men,who lied about being married. When I was married and cheating ( not condoning cheating), I told folks I was married and still got sex. I thought about a date, I had at Red Lobster. I called back to say Thank you and got fussed at because his wife, he didn't mention, was at home.

I thought about the date, I had at Hooters. Had a nice time, nice convo, nice sex. Woke up in the hotel room alone. Date had left. Found out later after texting him, he had a wife.

All these soul ties, I made, with people, I had no intention of commitment or marriage. A few, I wanted to commit to certain body parts.

On the opposite end, I thought about men, I hurt, used, lied to. Told them whatever they wanted to hear to get what I wanted, even if I did not mean it. Sure, we will see each other again.  Come over and I will give you this sexual act. I will give you sex X amount of times per week. As I got older, I started being more honest, more truthful, even if it hurt.

Yeah, you will be a one night stand.

I will never see you again after this. 

This is nothing more than a sexual release, if that.

I may call someone else after this to get another fix. 

You are filling a need, an temporary, immediate need. 

You are filling a void, even though I will feel empty later. 

Some men laughed it off. Said I was being mean but then surprised when it happens. Some men said I thought like a man because I did the same things they did.