Release me

I was a late bloomer to many things: sex, dating, and orgasms. I did not experience my first one, until years after I was married. It took a sex toy to accomplish that blissful task. It also took fingers. I loved how an orgasm felt\ and I wanted more and more and more and more. Buying new toys at Spencers each month. Hiding them from the ex-husband. I was an addict. I struggle with this big time. Even though I am not bad as I used to be, I still struggle.

I started taking the setting captives free course  (way of purity) last year to deal with my various addictions. I do have an addiction personality. I realized lately orgasms is a means to a release, but it does not stop the bills from coming. it does not stop the kids from acting out. it does not solve any immediate or future problems. It does nothing but give an immediate release or an escape, but then i snap back to reality. Same problems, new problems, and nothing is solved from an orgasm. You feel better for a moment and --then what--nothing has changed, but maybe a happy, temporary attitude, or glow.