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About Me

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Welcome to Google (whether Plus, Perfect Chaos, or the Celibacy Diaries). My name is Stacie D. Wyatt.  I am a published poet and writer (Chocolate Kisses; Love.Lust.Life., Miscarried, Conversing with Sexuality; Conversing with Salvation; Conversing with Normality; Conversations 1, Never Argue with an Autistic child and other special tales, and Conversations 2. ). 

 I am also a product and book reviewer for a few sites (BookSneeze, Blogging for Books, Bethany House, Edelweiss, Tyndale House, and Netgalley). I will post reviews here regularly. I post reviews on Perfect Chaos. 

I also have two kids: 13 years old and 3 year old. My oldest is Autistic and my youngest is developmentally delayed, autistic, and a few other things. I also enjoy writing about the ups and downs of parenting two differently-abled children.

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Thursday, June 27, 2013

It was a game

I am unsure of writing this, but the idea came to me, while I was in the tub. I used to think of the Big M and even sex as a game. Sometimes you won and sometimes you lost. How many men can I get this week? How many orgasms? How many can I squeeze in a day? Can I do this in the bathroom, with a house full of people, and no one will notice? How many toys can I accumulate this year? Can I justify that latest orgasm with my celibacy course (setting captives free) and advisor?

Of course, when you play a game, there are casualties on both fronts. Kind of like battleship. I sink your lousy canoe and you sink my yacht. I haven't played the game in a while, as you can tell. Everyone loses when it comes to casual sex. And no, not physically---mentally and spiritually.
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I been noticing a theme lately in my readings and in church, IDOLATRY. Worshipping other gods besides God. I found this verse in my celibacy course yesterday.

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Colossians 3:1-10

The course also stated that " this is a spiritual act of violence that requires a battle plan and spiritual weapons. Radical action is required if we are to be free from the power of sin." We are to not only crucify sexual immorality, but also all "impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry." Everything must go. are not only to destroy sexual immorality, impurity, evil desires, etc., but we are to also rid our lives of anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips (Col. 3:8).

Did you know you were worshipping false gods when you were giving in to evil desires?
Basically I think the verse is saying that we need to put to death, kill, remove, anything which belongs to our earthy nature, including sexual immorality. Sexual immorality and lust are forms of idolatry.

According to LeClaire, sexual immorality is any sexual act outside of the covenant of marriage. Any sex act (p. 32).

The course also provided a testimony, which could apply to me as well. When I was having sex, my mind was on sex, the next fix, the next high, the next orgasm, the next toy. My thoughts were consumed with sex. I guess what you think about the most, then that 's what you act on the most. The mind affects your behavior. If you think about lust long enough, then you will want to act on them. I know this celibacy was a struggle because sometimes I wanted to act on some of these naughty, lustful thoughts, but then I be back to the same position I was before. Alone and lonely. but If we set ourselves on the Lord, then our actions will be guided by the Father.


Then, I was reading another LeClaire passage.

People have to make a series of conscious decisions along the road to sexual immorality, reasoning away the reality of sin and relying on God's grace to be there when they are finished pursuing their fleshly desires. (p. 33). King David fell into sexual immorality with Bathsheba, repented, and continued walking in integrity for the rest of his life (p. 33). He (Solomon) also practiced a sinful lifestyle, despite being blessed as the wisest man in the world. 

Yeah, that was another ouch moment. Let's touch on the soon-to-be-ex husband. When I cheated on him, the first man, I regretted. I was worried Sr would find out. I was worried about the ramifications.  I was in distress, especially since, on a few occasions, he has put his hands on me. I did not have sex again with another man, until a few weeks later. My ex was also cheating. He would go to the club every weekend. Staying out all night, even to the point of not coming home. So, I felt justified and rationalized, when I started calling the chat lines and finding new sex partners online on blackplanet. One sexual encounter (I don't like affair because it signifies something long-term) lead to me having sex with 10 different men, 18 different times, in less than two months. I started cheating in February, 2005 and the last dude was on April, 1, 2005. The ex and I separated on April Fool's Day (Great holiday, I know).

____________________________________________________________________________
Another insight, I realized, while sitting in that tub. What is done in the darkness, can come into the light. Why is it when we watch porn, sometimes we close the door. Maybe we lock it. Make sure no one else is around. Close the curtain. Or maybe it's a porn magazine or a sex toy. You hide it under the bed, behind the sofa, where no one can find it. Your relatives are coming over and you have to hide your stash. You have to clear out the cookies, remove some bookmarks, maybe clear out any evidence in your phone. Put a lock on the phone. Lock down the internet. Why do we have to hide the credit card bill, to not have our partner know about those phone sex lines or even a pack of enhancement pills? If it is so right to have and engage in these things, why do we have to hide it from others?

On another note: back to those enhancement pills, that was a true story. Back when I was officially married, and not separated, I decided to go back to school. I wrote a check for the application fee and left the money in the bank account. The school called a few days later, saying the check bounced. I did not understand why. I paid my bills. I left the money in there. I called the bank. My wonderful ex, Brad Sr., had ordered some penis enhancement pills with my 100 dollars. I don't know who he got them for, but it was not me. Having something bigger would not cause me to want him any more. Yuck, sex with the sex. (I need a divorce, by the way. Looking for something cheap). I had to pay the application fee in cash, $125 dollars (application fee plus a bounced check fee). I told the ex I wanted my money back and those pills need to be returned because I filed an investigation. yuck. i did not like sex with my sex like that, where he needed to be bigger or last longer. yuck.

Anyway, I rambled long enough. Have a nice morning.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Appearances can be deceiving

Thought of this while in church today. Was writing this in my journal, while taking notes for the sermon for the kindle.

My mother has a beautiful rubber tree in the entryway, walking up to the house. People comment on this rubber tree--how big it is, how tall it is, it's beautiful leaves--when they visit, but if they look closely, they will see something different. Some of the leaves are rotten, not to mention the ones Brad tore off, leaving milk and other tree fluids flowing onto other leaves and the ground. They don't see how a strong wind can knock over sections of the tree, blocking the entrance to house in two directions. They don't see how me and my niece have tied up parts of the tree with cable cords and clothes because it is too top and side heavy.


Every week, I have to trim and clean up these evil leaves so they won't be in the way, when Kalen's therapists visit.

Another example:

I love bald headed, chocolate men--whether, white chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, or somewhere in the middle. I love me some Joe, Montell Jordan, Shazam from H-Town, Michael Symon, etc. They are tall, bald, and fine.

They may be eloquent speakers, singers, artists, writers, cooks, filled with God-given talent.  But we don't see any potential damage on the inside. Their flaws, insecurities, pains, hurts, dreams, and nightmares. We see the beauty on the outside. Fill our brain with lust-filled images. We look from a distance, but if we get closer (without going to a lust-filled tizzy), we can see a different side.

Same concept can apply to celibacy. People see my past. My nymphomania, my former promiscuous side. The webcam girl. Maybe they see me as still sending out XXX pics and videos. Maybe they see my upper body physical attributes. They are looking from a distance without seeing the inside.

They don't understand how someone, like me, who was sexually active and addicted, can now be celibate. They don't see what I went through to get to this point. You got to get close, but not that close (enough to touch), to see my mind. God definitely works miracles and wonders. You have to be willing to move past the surface and the superficial, the trivial and mundane, and look at a person for more than the body and physical, and move into the mental and spiritual. Pastor Olus Holder said today that God will do what it takes to save his children.. I only can give credit to God for this journey. I never thought Stacie Dorletha Wyatt would never go this long without sex; without meeting a man; without dating, but through a divine selection of events, I am almost three years celibate.

An Ouch Moment brought to you by Jennifer LeClaire's book

I am reading Jennifer LeClaire's book in exchange for review from Bethany House. I was reading a passage, while standing in line at church, waiting to order some iced coffee. It was one of those passages, which knocked you upside the head and makes you go Ouch. It talked about immorality and the church.

Product DetailsJennifer LeClaire: Spiritual Warrior's Guide to Defeating Jezebel (to overcome the spirit of control, idolatry, and immorality). (pp. 30-32)

The 21st century church is often willing to overlook sin because a person's gifts are bringing increase to a ministry. And this spiritual cancer called sexual immorality is metastasizing across many parts of the body today. (p. 30). 

Immorality's Cunning (pp. 31 to 31). 
Jesus said that Jezebel teaches God's servants to commit sexual immorality. No one is immune. Some who fall prey to Jezebel's seduction are new believers who are truly ignorant of the will of the Lord--or in deep bondage to the sinful flesh. They are saved by God's grace, but perhaps they do not immediately change their sinful ways. These new believers need the guidance of pastors who can offer godly, loving counsel and teachers who can expound on the Word of God in areas of sexual conduct and boundaries. Some may also need prophetic ministry to break demonic strongholds. 

Others whom Jezebel solicits successfully are Christians looking for ways to justify their self-will--sometimes with the Word of God as a backstop You can find many of these carnal believers penning articles for the internet. Some of them insist sex is acceptable in God's eyes if a couple is engaged. They often point to Mary and Joseph. Mary was betrothed (engaged) to Joseph, who considered divorcing her privately when she was found to be pregnant. Based on this example, they reason, a commitment to marry, annuls God's decision against sex before marriage.

Meanwhile, others draw near broad lines around the definition of sexual immorality, suggesting that fondling and oral sex outside of the bonds of marriage is within the acceptable boundaries of God's word. This type of information merely sets up believers for a devastating fall by beguiling them into walking a tightrope that spans the pit of Jezebel. Let's be clear: Sexual immorality is any sexual act outside of the covenant of marriage. Any sexual act. 




Friday, June 21, 2013

Clean by Douglass Weiss Book Review

I read Clean A proven plan for men committed to sexual integrity, in exchange for honest review by Douglas Weiss. The book was published by Thomas Nelson.  I chose this book because, even though I am not a man, I can still find some insight to apply to my celibacy.When I noticed the book on Booksneeze, I had to have it.

Some of the highlights from the book:

  • Many church leaders fall to temptation themselves, and the ones who do stay pure are often at a loss as to how to help those struggling (p. xvi).  (note: I wish my church offered something on purity and celibacy to adults, instead of just to kids. I have asked, but no program exists yet. I am not even sure who to ask to get an accountability partner, without revealing too much of my past). 
  • Internal transformation requires work (p. xvi). 
  • Pages 6 to 9 discusses the prevalence of pornography using statistics. That section was mind-blowing. Porn is a billion dollar industry. Some internet porn is worth millions and billions. America is the top producer of DVD porn. 
  • Both men and women watch porn. Children, who watch porn, face detrimental effects, which include emotional trauma; reduced marriages; exposure to incorrect information about human sexuality, and increased risk of sexual compulsions. 
  • There is a direct connection between your sexual behavior and your destiny in Christ (p. 21). Our level of sexual purity will determine how useful and effective we are. 

  • Getting one taste of something can lead to wanting more (p. 32). If you think you can control lust, then you are deceived (p. 33).
  • When God has to discipline someone because of a hardened heart, things can go wrong for them (p. 35). The book gave the story of Terry, who printed off internet porn at work. The printer stopped working temporarily. Once it started printing, IT was called. They traced the problem to Terry. Terry got fired and his wife later divorced him. (p. 36). Paul was making a phone call to set up some sex, but did not realize his wife was on the other line. Stan was blackmailed by his mistress, while Marc was sued for sexual harassment.
  • God provides you weapons to deal with the enemy (p. 47). Some weapons include the fear of God, wisdom, and the word of God. The limitation of the weapons is that they can only go in one direction at a time (either facing the enemy or facing those you love. )
  • Lust is wrong. Lust can produce fruit and it can lead to death. The first stage of sin is lust. (p. 49). Sin is the evidence the seed has grown (p. 49). Sin also can be fertilized with repeat behavior (p. 50).
  • You have to be willing to become clean. You need the right protection, armor, and a plan to become clean (p. 58 to 59). You also need to be honest and accountable (p. 61). You also need a consequence set-up, if you do fall prey to sexual sin (p. 62).




    Sexual immorality does not just affect you, but everyone else around you. Job, family, kids, social life, etc. I did not realize this until years and years later. If I stayed out late, someone would have to wake up to let me in (since I never had my own place). I had to work hard to hide toys and my porn addiction. Hiding the laptop under covers and plugging the ear phones in, for example. I sought out pleasure before relationships. Pleasure also caused me to think lust was love. I been addicted a few times. I wanted to date some of these men, not for their brains and long-term potential, but for their body parts (and what the body parts could do). Sexual immorality definitely distorted relationships. I heard rumors of people not liking me because I was too sexual, but at the same time, the person, who told me about the rumor, wanted to have sex with me. Sex defined how I treated people of the opposite sex. If you wanted to date me, then I would not have sex with you. If you wanted sex, then it was mostly a one-night stand. Had no interest in repeat sex partners, unless they met a few standards.

    I loved this book and definitely recommend it to men and women. 


I review for BookSneeze®



Guilt

I thought of this topic, while sitting in the tub. This is a bit personal though. It's about the Big M. I used to be a serious addict to the Big M (Masturbation). Some days, multiple times per day. I loved a good Orgasm, but then I started feeling guilty every time I indulged. I did not understand why I felt guilt for indulging in something, which provided a stress release and so much pleasure. I know from reading, masturbation can hinder future relationships and can be a distraction.

So, here are some highlights from some books on this topic:



  • Jennifer LeClaire: The Spiritual Warrior's Guide to Defeating Jezebel: "Some teachings suggest masturbation is acceptable for Single Christians because we can satisfy our urges without having sex...Once you start down the road to sexual arousal--either alone or with another--you can welcome spirits of lust and addiction, which can lead you down a darker path, full of stumbling blocks (p. 40). "
  • LeClaire (p. 104). "Idolatry may be more subtle, but there is no mistaking sexual immorality. Sexual immorality is a serious sin. The more serious the sin, the greater the feelings of guilt and condemnation that follow in a sincere believer's heart. And therein lies the trap: Believers struggling with guilt and condemnation--whether their sin is past or ongoing--do not feel qualified to move in the spirit, and so forfeit their effectiveness in the kingdom. In these cases the prophetic voice is shut down. Some believers manage to overcome these feeling of condemnation without overcoming the sin. In these cases, the prophetic voice is perverted. In other words, those who wallow in sin become ineffective oracles, and those who ignore the conviction become perverted voices"
  • Dannah Gresh: What are you waiting for? The One thing no one ever tells you about sex (p. 75). If you can not fall asleep at night without the ritual of masturbation, or if you find yourself planning your life, so you can be alone to masturbate, it has become an addictive behavior--and that means it's sin. 
  • Gresh. p. 76 Discomfort with masturbation is an inbuilt check and balance to protect the purpose of the marriage bed. 


LeClaire's Book was provided via Bethany House for review. I paid for What are you Waiting for, via Amazon.

So maybe the guilt, I was feeling was God convicting me to follow the straight and narrow path, instead of the wide and deadly path. I was in deep with my sex addiction. Anyway, Have a good Morning

Stacie

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Slow kisses by Joe

This is another favorite song of mine by Joe. He doesn't want to have sex, he wants to cuddle and talk. Not sure, if to believe him or fall for a pack of lies, but I love me some Joe.


We not making love, holding is enough. He wants to stimulate your mind, instead of your body. Let him hold you. Of course, he wants to rub, touch, and give you slow kisses. That goes against every celibacy book I read. Dating and the single parent says that's a no no. That's a forbidden touch Joe. Love you, but Damn Tease. See, this is why Bald, Chocolate men are my weakness. The song felt good to listen to, when I bought the CD because he just wants a slow kiss (sure, you do). If I got in bed with you, yeah we better be married because stuff will happen. We are sitting on the couch with a few pillows between us, and some kids, an accountability partner, and the pastor, watching the gospel music channel, eating nachos.







Tonight I'm gonna lay you on the bed, bedAnd we ain't even about to have sex, sexJust lay your head down on my chest, chestSometimes the simple things are the best, the bestI know you had a long week, weekIt's just you and me, meForget everything, thingAnd let me hold you,Sex aint what you need, needYou need intimacyTonight that's what I'll bring,And let me hold you
I just wanna rub,Can't touch you enoughWe ain't gotta sex tonightJust give me those slow, slow, kisses,Slow, slow, kisses, slow kissesInto the night babyWe ain't making love holding is enoughJust the simple things she likesSo give me the slow, slow, kissesSlow, slow, kisses, slow kissesTill we fall asleep lady
Tonight you're gonna rub my head, headAnd baby I'll massage your legs, legsAnd I can stimulate your body with sex, sexTonight I'll stimulate your mind instead, insteadI know you had a long week, weekIt's just you and me, meForget everything, thingAnd let me hold you,Sex aint what you need, needYou need intimacyTonight it's what I bring,And let me show you
I just wanna rub, rub, can't touch you enoughWe ain't gotta sex tonightJust give me those slow, slow, kisses,Slow, slow, kisses, slow kisses[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/slow-kisses-lyrics-joe.html ]Into the night babyWe ain't making love holding is enoughJust the simple things she likesSo give me those slow, slow, kissesSlow, slow, kisses, slow kissesTill we fall asleep lady
We ain't gotta have sex, I just wanna hold youDidn't have time to fall in loveBut you got me planning toGirl you are so right, like you never going leftAnd I'm doing things with you, that I can't do by myself
Cause girl you're right, boo you rightAnd that dress is fitting tightBeen a while since I just held youSo tonight I think I mightCheck it, it's you me, candles, kissesGirl that sounds alrightKnowing I can turn you on,But instead I say good night girl I…
I just wanna rub, rub, can't touch you enoughWe ain't gotta sex tonightJust give me the slow, slow, kisses,Slow, slow, kisses, slow kissesInto the night babyWe ain't making love holding is enoughJust the simple things she likesSo give me those slow, slow, kissesSlow, slow, kisses, slow kissesTill we fall asleep lady
I just wanna rub, rub, can't touch you enoughWe ain't gotta sex tonightJust give me those slow, slow, kisses,Slow, slow, kisses, slow kissesInto the night babyWe ain't making love holding is enoughJust the simple things she likesSo give me the slow, slow, kissesSlow, slow, kisses, slow kissesTill we fall asleep lady

Prince Little Red Corvette

I love me some Prince. I know some of his songs. One song, which stood out, once I went celibate was Little Red Corvette. I never really listened to the words until a few months ago. It was on the MP3 player. I think this song is about a woman, who likes to have sex a lot. A sex addict, a nympho, a promiscuous woman. Maybe she has a lot of one-night stands. She loves sex. She was me. I went through men, like she went through men. Of Course, Prince is deciding whether or not to have sex with this woman. He definitely did not consider her dating or relationship material. He did not consider commitment. Prince still went to her house anyway. Don't know if he indulged or not, but he definitely sent mixed signals.

How many times have you liked a man or woman, who knows of your sexual past or present, but does not consider something serious with you? You are un-dateable and not relationship material. You are the one to screw, but not the one to bring home to mama,  (unless Mama sleep and he is sneaking you in the basement for a quickie). How many times have someone said they liked you, but don't want to date you? Maybe they like to tease you, but don't expect anything serious.

Interesting story: I knew a youngin, who was also a virgin. At least, he claimed to be a virgin.  He wore a promise ring. His parents were pastor and first lady. I forgot his name, but every time we hung out, he was trying to grab various body parts and kiss. This got old real fast because he was not going to ever do anything, but he wanted to touch and tease. One day, I got him back. Went to the park, held him down, and started grabbing various body parts. He didn't like it but he knew how it felt when he did it to me. Told him, if he ever touches me again, I will record it and send it to his parents. Was joking but I was tired of dealing with his teases. Then, I deleted his number on the way back home.

Or, they may know about your past, and want some of that for themselves, even if they know you are celibate, abstinent, or not getting any.

Well, Stacie, I know you used to do this, that, and the other, a few years ago. and, uhhhh I want you to try that with me. I can come over right now. We can make plans for the weekend. I don't know what you are waiting for. Sex is something fun and should be enjoyed.

There is nothing wrong with sending me a naked picture or video. You should celebrate your beauty. I just want a pic, nothing more. 

I need a pic of you for my private collection. No one else will see it but me. 

I know you used to engage in a few sex activities, but I feel it's time to give up celibacy and come do me. 


Well Anyway, I rambled long enough. Thank you Dee and Deb for helping me find the video, so I don't have to make my own version. :-)

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/p/prince/little+red+corvette_20110978.html

I guess I shoulda known
By the way you parked your car sideways
That it wouldn't last

See you're the kinda person
That believes in makin' out once
Love 'em and leave 'em fast

I guess I must be dumb
Cause you had a pocket full of horses
Trojan and some of them used

But it was Saturday night
I guess that makes it all right
And you say what have I got to lose?
And honey I say

Little red corvette
Baby you're much to fast
Little red corvette
You need a love that's gonna last

I guess I shoulda closed my eyes
When you drove me to the place
Where your horses run free

Cause I felt a little I'll
When I saw all the pictures
Of the jockeys that were there before me

Believe it or not
I started to worry
I wondered if I had enough class

But it was Saturday night
I guess that makes it all right
And you say, "Baby, have you got enough gas?"
Oh yeah

Little red corvette
Baby you're much to fast, yes you are
Little red corvette
You need to find a love that's gonna last

A body like yours (a body like yours)
Oughta be in jail (oughta be in jail)
Cause it's on the verge of bein obscene
(Cause it's on the verge of bein obscene)

Move over baby (move over baby)
Gimme the keys (gimme the keys)
I'm gonna try to tame your little red love machine
(I'm gonna try to tame your little red love machine)

Little red corvette
Baby you're much to fast
Little red corvette
You need to find a love that's gonna last

Little red corvette
Honey you got to slow down (got to slow down)
Little red corvette
Cause if you don't you gonna run your
Little red corvette right in the ground

(Little red corvette)
Right down to the ground (honey you got to slow down)
You, you, you got to slow down (little red corvette)
You're movin much to fast (to fast)
You need to find a love that's gonna last

Girl, you got an ass like I never seen
And the ride...
I say the ride is so smooth
You must be a limousine

Baby you're much 2 fast
Little red corvette
U need a love, u need a love that's
That's gonna last
(Little red corvette)
U got 2 slow down (u got 2 slow down)
Little red corvette

Cuz if u don't, cuz if u don't,
U gonna run your body right into the ground (right into the ground)
Right into the ground (right into the ground)
Right into the ground (right into the ground)

Little red corvette

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

July 18, 2010 Im not having sex until.......

This was the second half of what I wrote, but I felt a separate post was needed

I'm not having sex until: What is your purpose for being celibate, abstinent, or not getting any.

  1. Waiting for the right one: (marriage, relationship, or to put up with stupidity. Maybe to satisfy you sexually until................. (fill in the blank)
  2. Too many STDs out there (which is true, BUT you still need to educate yourself and get tested regularly. Just because you are committed does not mean the other person is committed. I got herpes while being faithful. Of course, my life changed completely once I cheated back. Next, some STDS are passive until something triggers it. Third, other people are carriers. 
  3. I don't want to get pregnant or make babies. (Good reason, but one slip-up, Baby).
  4. I don't believe in casual sex. (Good Reason but stick with it). Don't be one of those folks, who say I don't believe in casual sex, but engages in casual sex on a regular basis, no matter how infrequent. It can hurt your testimony.
I had a friend, like that. I was having a lot of casual sex when we met. When I got pregnant with Kalen in 2010, he basically ended a close friendship because I was having casual sex, even with my soon-to-be-ex-husband. He was disappointed in something I had been doing for years and years and years. Yet, at this point, I had not had sex in five or six months.  He condemned me. Then, he had casual sex. I lost my respect somewhat for him. I felt hurt big time that he condemned me for having casual sex and getting prego (both kids have the same father), yet he can do the same thing and wants acceptance. I can't stand double standards.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another story, another friend.Back in 07, I was staying with my sister. A friend stayed down the street. WE both was sexually active with multiple partners.

YET

I was a whore because I had multiple partners (maybe 3 at that time), but he was a hero because he had three partners, but they all knew about each other (and sometimes partaken of one another simultaneously). I, on the other hand, never told a casual partner, he was the only one. There was no need. Most of them was one-night stands. Hit it and delete. I also did not need to partake of all my regulars at the same time, simultaneously.

I been in that situation before. You do a two-on-one or a more-on-one, someone will be disappointed--whether me or one of them. Everyone does not sex the same.

Have you ever heard this line from a man?

Why didn't you do this the same way you did him?

Well, I have. LMAO at Equality. Some men do get insecure, especially during a group session. I can not always tell them, Well if you did what he did (or better), then you can get what he got (or better). Sex is not always a fair game. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

Here are some more insights from Stacie:


  • "Friends" will leave because you won't sex them. 
  • "Friends" will condemn you for doing the same thing they are doing
  • "Friends" will want XXX pics or videos, even if you are platonic and have no interest in sexing them. 
  • Great sex doesn't always last (otherwise, I will still be with my favorite IT geek, in Marietta). Great sex does not have a strong relationship foundation. 
  • Love does not equal lust but it can feel like it and can lead to heartbreak. 
To conclude this post:

Not everyone will understand why I am celibate, especially when they know my past. In life, you will make mistakes and regrets. You can either learn from them and change for the better, the worse, or not at all. 

Yeah, I still could be having lots and lots of sex, but 1) who will watch my kids because I'm not bringing them with me and not leaving them at home alone or with these heathens (and my mama). Sex buddies don't need to meet or interact with Brad and Kalen. Brad and Kalen don't need to interact with penises. Yes, penises because when I was active, I thought of most men as a penis, an available penis. The only head I was interested in was down below. I may show enough interest in the penis to get some sex. If I showed more, either I had a crush on the dude; liked his penis; or wanted to make a mold of his penis, bronze it, engrave it, and place it in the Hall of Great Sex Partners, in my mind. 




July 18th Are you Celibate, Abstinent, or Going without Until (fill in the blank)?

I wrote this one out, so this will get long and rambling--maybe.


I see a lot of discussion on the difference between celibacy and abstinence, but I like to add a third dimension, Not getting any. I know some folks, who claim they are not getting any for whatever reason. At what point, after not getting any, do you become automatically celibate or abstinent? Either way, you are choosing to go without (You have a purpose). Whether you are sick of all the males/females in your city, not trying to make babies, or don't want to catch an STD.

In my opinion, if you wanted sex: Generic, Regular, need a release sex, you can get it. That is readily available.  You can log on a sex dating site or even Craigslist. Heck you can go to Twitter or Facebook. You can call the phone chat lines, especially late at night. Half the folks on there are looking for booty. Maybe you can call that person, that has been asking or begging for the past day, week, month, year or decade. Regular sex is easy to get. It's attainable.

Shoot, I got asked by a store worker, when I was walking around in Cancun. If you ever been on a cruise, you know once you get off the boat, some shops offer incentives for window shopping and buying stuff. Some offer Coke (the soda), water, beer, and other trinkets. I passed by this one store and got offered sex to buy something. His apartment was right around the corner, but I am not going to be the black Natalie Holloway. Always keep the boat within site.

Now on the other hand, if you are waiting on Quality---not quality sex, but a quality relationship, then that is different. You can find quality sex while having casual sex. You keep the qualitys and discard the  others. but you have to put in the work to find a quality, Christian, celibate individual, who will be there for life, not a season, but for life. 


June 18. 2013


I did a video. I was discussing part of a sermon, Pastor Mike, did in church on Sunday. He said some aspects of sexual immorality can be demonic. There is nothing funny about children having sex, even boys. Fathers (parents) shouldn't think it is cute that the boys are having sex at a young age. Sex can cause life-long scars.

Then, I read a passage from Kenny Pugh's book, Can you do it Standing up? I also read from Clean by Douglass Weiss, in addition to the Spiritual Warriors Guide to Defeating Jezebel by Jennifer LeClaire.

Let me know how I sounded. Leave a comment. Happy National Celibacy Month. #celibacyissexy.

Stacie

Friday, June 14, 2013

Stranded June 14, 2013

Another beautiful incident: a long, long time, ago, I used to stay in Jonesboro North, in Atlanta, the projects. If I wanted to have sex at night, I would have to spend the night or I could not get back in the house. I had a key to the main  door, but not the screen door, which locked on the inside. Everyone, I was having sex with, I told that either I had to spend the night or I would stay at home. No point in me staying outside my apartment, until someone woke up in the morning.

One time, this dude wanted to have sex. I told him my situation. I asked him if he had to go to work in the morning or had to get up early. The trains don't start running until 4:45 am. The busses start around 6ish. Two hours to get home from where he stayed. He said he did not have to go to work or wake up early. About 3 am, this fool woke me up and said he had to go to work. WTF? the busses and trains are not running. I would be stranded outside whatever train station alone, and in the dark, scared, because he lied.

and I was.

I was at some train station in Dekalb County, scared, for over an hour, until the trains ran. I was pissed. Headed to the library and dunkin donuts, once I hit Atlanta. I deleted his number and we never had sex again. I saw him years later at a picnic. He wanted to have sex again. He got declined and wanted to know why. I told him. He completely forgot.

  1. I don't like being stranded at a train station alone. 
  2. I could have stayed at home, if he did not lie about having to go to work. 
  3. I could have had sex with someone else

For future night visits, I only visited people, who had a reputable record. One's, who did not have to work in the morning. One's, who would not have me waiting outside a train station or my apartment, not able to get in because everyone was sleep upstairs. 

I mean I know it was a sexual relationship, but people still need a little decency. Leaving a woman stranded at a dark train station is dangerous and scary. Anything could have happened. 

June 14, 2013

The other day, I sat through a whole bath, without falling to temptation. Yay me. I had other thoughts, I wanted to blog about, but I was interrupted by the sound of my oldest, knocking hard, which startled me. He was knocking harder than normal.

So, What's on my mind? I thought about an incident, which happened years and years ago. I needed to make some money, so I thought about being an escort. I called agencies and got more information. Found this one fool, who promised a place to stay, but I did not last but a week or so with him.

What was the problem, you ask?

I was a sex addict, having sex all the time. I just wanted to get paid for my time, at times. I already did the web cam girl thing, but did not have the means to start it up again.

I don' t remember how and when I met this fool, but I met him and we talked. I told him I liked to have sex. I told him I had herpes. He took some pics. He put them on Craigslist. I have had sex before with men off CL before. This was nothing new to me.

We waited for responses to come in.

A friend hit me up on yahoo im. He said check out this post on CL. Not the looking for men to pay me for sex post, but this new one.

This fool, placed one of the pics, we took on CL. In an another ad, he posted Do not have sex with this girl, she has herpes. I never got any clients. I never made any money. Maybe God had other plans and did not want me to go through with it. Probably.

I moved back in with a close friend of mine or my sister, I don't remember. But he lost part of his business as well. His main girl called me days later and asked if I had herpes. I said yep, for X amount of years. I also said I told her boss in advance about my wonderful STD. She told me that the company was getting more calls for me, than for any other girl. Some people did not like the fool hired people, who had STDS. Others wanted to have sex, but by that time, I was long gone and not interested in this fool anymore, or being an escort.

I did flag the ad on CL and asked it to be removed. I am an adult. I was open and honest about my everything from the beginning. Herpes. What I did and Did not do. I felt what fool did was horrible. I am also glad someone im'ed me and told me about the second ad. Gave me new perspective.

I did had sex a lot, but my sex count didn't skyrocket to the thousands or the millions.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

June 11th, 2013

I was on Facebook reading posts on one group and found out a game developer wants to design a game to teach females how to pleasure themselves. Wow, What an amazing concept. As if, books, the internet, magazines, porn, and even peers can't teach them that. Seriously, no thank you.

I read more of Clean last nite. Doing the book for review. Part of the book discussed the costs of internet porn. That is a billion dollar industry. Weiss was saying that every second, between 3 and 4 thousand is spent on porn. Wow. 3000 X 60= 180,000 4000 X 60 = 240,000. Daily, that is a lot of money.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

June 9th, 2013

I ordered a copy of Kenny Pugh's Book, Can you do it standing up? The book arrived Friday. I skimmed through the TOC today. Looks like it will be a good read. I am also thinking of creating a page with books, I liked on celibacy, fiction and non fiction. Haven't read a fiction yet, but I am sure there are some out there.

Other than that, I am doing good this week. Have not thought about sex yet. No masturbation. No porn. Nothing. I posted on my fan page about a TD Jakes Quote. I was watching a telecast on Sunday. He was talking about not giving your goods away until someone is willing to buy them for life (and actually does) but in the meantime, do not sell your goods for free or at reduced cost. You are worth more than that.

Friday, June 7, 2013

June 6th, 2013

Diary of Stacie D. Wyatt

I ordered a copy of Kenny Pugh's Can you do it standing up? Thank you Crowdtap for the giftcards and Mturk for the payments. He is one of the founders of Celibacy is Sexy (website and facebook page). I participated in to a twitter conference yesterday (#realmenwait). I also did a phone conference a few days ago.

Some of the things, I learned was:

  1. In a committed relationship (preferably marriage), we need to have a first to give to our spouse. With so many people having sex and doing whatever before marriage, it is harder to find a first to give to our spouses. Some firsts may include children or giving your all to a man or woman. 
  2. Real men will wait on a woman. They will not pressure a woman into having sex before both parties are ready. 
  3. Having sex does not solidify a committed relationship. Sex is just a part of it, but a relationship requires so much more. 
  4. You can say no to someone wanting sex. 
  5. Sex is a spiritual, physical, and mental connection. 
  6. Sex does not equal love. 
  7. Having sex with someone does not mean that person values you (or even wants to be in a relationship with you.
  8. You should think of every sex partner as someone, who may give you a baby or an std. Having sex is a risk and these risks can occur. 
  9. Soul ties--you develop soul ties with every person you have sex with. The more you have sex with them, the stronger the soul tie--whether you know it or not. 
  10. Sex is meant for marriage. Waiting will please God and strengthen your marriage
  11. Sex requires a lot of wisdom
  12. We need to focus on developing a strong relationship versus a sexual relationship 
  13. Men and women are equally responsible for their sexual relationships
  14. Pugh challenged people to go a week without sex and chronicle their experiences
  15. Pugh also encouraged folks to keep a diary for the next month. 

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

June 5th, 2013

Well no masturbation for today. Yay. finished my book review on Bare Naked Truth, but I wanted to add some highlighted passages, but the kindle is acting funny.

Some dude hit me up on Badoo with the message of wanting to eat.... something, which is similar to a cat. He didn't know my name. He didn't tell me his name. He sent a message and I deleted it. Didn't even want  to give him the pleasure by responding. If I responded, he may have tried to convince me to  have sex with him, so I simply deleted it. Of course, Badoo may have said I read the message and that is ok.

I am happily Celibate

Bare naked truth book review, facebook party, and giveaway

I read the Bare Naked Truth, in exchange for review from Litfuse. The book is written by Bekah Hamrick Martin and published by Zondervan.

My review:
I chose this book because it focuses on purity, waiting, and abiding by God's plan for sex. It is also National Celibacy Month. Yay.  I downloaded this book to the kindle as soon as I got it. I also downloaded a copy for Adobe Digital Editions. I did not expect my laptop to not charge anymore (need a repair person). When I went to get another copy a week or two ago, it was already archived on Netgalley. So, I had to hunt down the book on the Kindle. Could not find the book. Went to Amazon. The book was in my Kindle files, but Mrs. Kindle kept freezing up when I tried to search for it. Went to kindle for pc. kept freezing as well.  Either way, the book was in one of two folders, I hoped. Netgalley or Litfuse. It was not in Litfuse, which meant it was in Netgalley. Over 200 books in Netgalley. I found the book. Yay. I definitely want a paperback now.

I been reading and reviewing more books on purity lately. Currently reading another one for review from another company.

Tempted, Tested, True by Arnie Cole and Michael Ross
  1. What are you waiting for by Dannah Gresh
  2. Dating and the single parent
  3. When the roof caves in


I have not had sex since 2010, so this book was perfect for me. I started having sex at 18. My family did not talk to me about sex. Sex was taboo. Everything I learned at first was through experience. Later on through erotica, porn, and other people.  I did not truly know the effects of sex until later on in life. Sex is more than a physical connection, it is also emotional. Sex can cause problems. Had sex with two people before meeting the soon-to-be-ex husband (#3). Very limited sexual experience.  Had sex with him only from 1999 to 2005. In 2005, I cheated on him. Felt bad at first (more bad) because I never thought I would cheat. But He was also cheating as well. In 2004, I was diagnosed with Genital Herpes. Yay me. He was the only one I been sleeping with. Anyway, Fast forward, sex with him was routine and monotonous, but I didn't know how to communicate what I needed and wanted. When I cheated, it started a sexual revolution for me. It also started an addiction. I wanted sex and more of it.

The book provides an open and honest approach to purity, according to God.  The book focuses on the benefits of waiting, masturbation, disadvantages to waiting , and my favorite: getting all the information before making a decision. The author talked about how after 9/11, she was flying on a plane. Someone dropped a phone, a commotion ensued. The author didn't have all the information and ducked under her seat.

Another thing, which stood out, was the disadvantages of having multiple partners:


  1. Losing your ability to bond with your future spouse
  2. Sexual baggage can cause fear and distrust
  3. Increases risk of divorce
  4. Increase Emotional problems



Information about the book: (copied from litfuse)
The Truth About Sex and Waiting . . . Uncovered Purity.

Sex. Boys. Waiting. There's something about those words that makes everything complex in a heartbeat, and raises more questions than answers. Is there something wrong with me if I don't kiss a boy after a date? Or am I doomed if I DID? What if waiting is just a one-way trip to life as a crazy cat woman? And what if I tend to, um, think about a certain boy in a certain way? It seems that the lady at church and your friends have two very different opinions on the subject. And 'Your Budding Womanhood: Staying a Beautiful Flower for Jesus' just isn't cutting it. Bekah Hamrick Martin knows the waiting game isn't easy or straight-forward. In The Bare NakedTruth, she lays everything on the table---including some embarrassing moments---as she explores the honest,naked truth behind what God means by purity. With additional entries from popular authors, you'll see thebare naked approach to waiting isn't always easy, but it's worth the risk.

Information about the author: (Copied from litfuse)
Bekah Hamrick Martin was born in Savannah, Georgia, in an event which her brother keeps reminding her was completely unnecessary. She spent the better part of her high school years vacationing on the north end of her mattress due to an illness, where she developed a deep taste for chocolate and sarcasm. Today Bekah shares with teens about tough times, healing, and surviving their high school years---no matter where they spend them. Learn more about Bekah on her website:http://misswritebrained.wordpress.com/

Facebook Party and Giveaway
Debut Author Bekah Hamrick Martin is celebrating the release of her book, The Bare Naked Truth, with a $150 Visa Cash Card giveaway and "Bare Naked Truth" Facebook party! Save the date for 6/20!

Bare-Naked-Truth300
 One winner will receive:

  • A $150 Visa Cash Card
  • Five copies of The Bare Naked Truth by Bekah Hamrick Martin
  • A live Skype small group chat with Bekah
Enter today by clicking one of the icons below. But hurry, the giveaway ends on June 19th. Winner will be announced at the "Bare Naked Truth" Facebook Author Chat Party on June 20th. Connect with Bekah for an evening of frank and encouraging chat, trivia, laughter, and more! Bekah will also be giving away books and other fun prizes throughout the evening.

So grab your copy of The Bare Naked Truth and join Bekah on the evening of June 20th for a chance to connect and make some new friends. (If you haven't read the book, don't let that stop you from coming!)

Don't miss a moment of the fun; RSVP todayTell your friends via FACEBOOK or TWITTER and increase your chances of winning. Hope to see you on the 20th!




Tuesday, June 4, 2013

June 3rd, 2013

I was listening to a teleconference on celibacy yesterday and the speaker was talking about journaling your celibacy thoughts and issues for the rest of the month. It is national celibacy month. Yay. I don't know how well I will do writing daily. I hate forced writing. it does not come out right. I failed at National Novel Writing Month (NANOWRIMO) and NANOWRIMO Camp(forgot to even start). I also did not go well with Rude Mom's challenge to write for May.

So, anyway, currently I am skimming through a few books on celibacy:

  1. Tempted, Tested, True by Arnie Cole and Michael Ross (review)
  2. What are you waiting for by Dannah Gresh (paid for via amazon)
  3. Bare naked truth by Bekah Hamrick Martin (review for litfuse)
  4. Clean by Douglass Weiss (review for blogging for books)
  5. Dating and the Single Parent (can't think of the author right now, but it is a good book. has a great section on creating a purity pledge. appropriate touches during dating, etc
I am also more than halfway through my celibacy course (settingcaptivesfree.com). I want to be a mentor, but I think I will take the eating addiction course next, instead of being a mentor. 

So Celibacy,have not had sex since November 9, 2010. My son's birthday. I had offers, but turned them down. I do have a great BS meter, when people are wanting sex, but afraid to say it, I guess it comes from having a lot of sex. too much sex. nymphomaniac. So glad my phone has a block feature for people, who text me first. 

Some signs people want sex or thinking of sex or something sexual related (based on personal experiences)
  1. Ask for naked pics, sexy pics, or xxx pics. Of course some get mad when you stay HEY IM CELIBATE. I don't do that anymore. Some will try to talk to into it, but I am one of those people, who is firm in what she does and don't want to do. 
  2. Text or Call wanting to chill. (code word for sex). Maybe, they want to come over at 2 am(knowing I live with a house full of heathens, children, and my mama). 
  3. Send you a pic of their penis to inspire you (unless I sexed you previously and you were one of the great ones, penis pics does nothing). Pics do not equal skills. 
  4. Tell you God wants you to have sex with them because they are a good man
  5. Tells you God wants you to masturbate and buy new toys. 
  6. We are grown. We can do what grown people do. No reason to stay celibate. 
  7. And my favorite: When you want to have sex or think about sex, call me first. Yeah Ok, if I wanted to have sex right now, with anyone, I will be on the next greyhound or megabus to Marietta, Georgia (provided he moved back. That bald headed, chocolate man was my first addicktion). 
But I think I want more than a casual screw. More than a one-night rendezvous. Something more than what I used to get. More than some sweaty, cum-filled sheets, with some man, I will forget or delete in a week. Because I know me. If I get started, I have no idea if he will be the only one or the last one. Could start me back into a spiral destruction of sexual doom. but anyway, let's see about me blogging to Celibacy diaries daily.