Appearances can be deceiving

Thought of this while in church today. Was writing this in my journal, while taking notes for the sermon for the kindle.

My mother has a beautiful rubber tree in the entryway, walking up to the house. People comment on this rubber tree--how big it is, how tall it is, it's beautiful leaves--when they visit, but if they look closely, they will see something different. Some of the leaves are rotten, not to mention the ones Brad tore off, leaving milk and other tree fluids flowing onto other leaves and the ground. They don't see how a strong wind can knock over sections of the tree, blocking the entrance to house in two directions. They don't see how me and my niece have tied up parts of the tree with cable cords and clothes because it is too top and side heavy.


Every week, I have to trim and clean up these evil leaves so they won't be in the way, when Kalen's therapists visit.

Another example:

I love bald headed, chocolate men--whether, white chocolate, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, or somewhere in the middle. I love me some Joe, Montell Jordan, Shazam from H-Town, Michael Symon, etc. They are tall, bald, and fine.

They may be eloquent speakers, singers, artists, writers, cooks, filled with God-given talent.  But we don't see any potential damage on the inside. Their flaws, insecurities, pains, hurts, dreams, and nightmares. We see the beauty on the outside. Fill our brain with lust-filled images. We look from a distance, but if we get closer (without going to a lust-filled tizzy), we can see a different side.

Same concept can apply to celibacy. People see my past. My nymphomania, my former promiscuous side. The webcam girl. Maybe they see me as still sending out XXX pics and videos. Maybe they see my upper body physical attributes. They are looking from a distance without seeing the inside.

They don't understand how someone, like me, who was sexually active and addicted, can now be celibate. They don't see what I went through to get to this point. You got to get close, but not that close (enough to touch), to see my mind. God definitely works miracles and wonders. You have to be willing to move past the surface and the superficial, the trivial and mundane, and look at a person for more than the body and physical, and move into the mental and spiritual. Pastor Olus Holder said today that God will do what it takes to save his children.. I only can give credit to God for this journey. I never thought Stacie Dorletha Wyatt would never go this long without sex; without meeting a man; without dating, but through a divine selection of events, I am almost three years celibate.